1 00:01:41,910 --> 00:01:45,446 We now turn to the hostile nation of North Korea. 2 00:01:45,447 --> 00:01:47,748 The rocket they are testing is believed to be big enough 3 00:01:47,749 --> 00:01:50,651 to reach the West Coast of the United States. 4 00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:53,221 Today, an official of the United Nations 5 00:01:53,222 --> 00:01:56,757 tried to tell the world... So there will be no mistake... 6 00:01:56,758 --> 00:02:00,227 That we are living in the midst of a modern-day Hitler. 7 00:02:00,228 --> 00:02:03,697 A young, untested leader with nuclear ambition. 8 00:02:03,698 --> 00:02:05,465 - Kim Jong-un. - Kim Jong-un. 9 00:02:05,466 --> 00:02:07,834 We are talking about Kim Jong-un. 10 00:02:07,835 --> 00:02:09,369 Good evening. 11 00:02:09,370 --> 00:02:11,272 I'm Dave Skylark. 12 00:02:11,273 --> 00:02:14,875 Tonight, we are joined by 13-time Grammy winner, 13 00:02:14,876 --> 00:02:17,244 Oscar-winning songwriter, 14 00:02:17,245 --> 00:02:19,679 Detroit's own Eminem. 15 00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:22,250 He'll speak with us about his new album, 16 00:02:22,251 --> 00:02:23,951 which has been mired in controversy 17 00:02:23,952 --> 00:02:28,856 concerning lyrics that some view as demeaning to the elderly. 18 00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:30,658 Tonight... 19 00:02:30,659 --> 00:02:32,834 on "Skylark Tonight." 20 00:02:40,834 --> 00:02:44,505 And... action. 21 00:02:44,506 --> 00:02:45,873 "It's hell to be Shady. 22 00:02:45,874 --> 00:02:48,441 "Yesterday I yelled a degrading insult 23 00:02:48,442 --> 00:02:50,444 "at an elderly lady. 24 00:02:50,445 --> 00:02:53,881 "Then I asked her how it felt to be 80. 25 00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:56,951 "'F' word a senior citizen. 26 00:02:56,952 --> 00:02:59,520 Suck a wiener, sit and spin." 27 00:02:59,521 --> 00:03:01,455 ... "Suck a wiener, sit and spin." 28 00:03:01,456 --> 00:03:02,690 It's funny. 29 00:03:02,691 --> 00:03:05,726 "And why you drive so slow for? 30 00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:07,494 "Don't you want to get where you're going faster 31 00:03:07,495 --> 00:03:11,565 "since you'll probably die tomorrow, you old whore? 32 00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:13,534 "Die, old bitch, die, 33 00:03:13,535 --> 00:03:15,369 before I murder you." 34 00:03:15,370 --> 00:03:17,304 What do you mean by this, Em? 35 00:03:17,305 --> 00:03:19,339 Well, first of all, I feel like, when I rap, 36 00:03:19,340 --> 00:03:22,777 like, people twist my words. 37 00:03:22,778 --> 00:03:24,477 Okay, but can you see 38 00:03:24,478 --> 00:03:27,381 how an old person might say, "I think 39 00:03:27,382 --> 00:03:31,619 "what this guy is telling me... This Eminem... is that I should 40 00:03:31,620 --> 00:03:34,955 go kill myself, and I... you know, I don't like that." 41 00:03:34,956 --> 00:03:37,458 I mean, I don't 42 00:03:37,459 --> 00:03:40,928 necessarily rap about the things that I hate. 43 00:03:40,929 --> 00:03:43,530 It's more about... the things that I fear. 44 00:03:43,531 --> 00:03:45,732 - I get you. - You know, it's like, 45 00:03:45,733 --> 00:03:48,803 - if I say something about women or whatever... -Yes. 46 00:03:48,804 --> 00:03:50,404 I think a lot of that is more or less me 47 00:03:50,405 --> 00:03:52,606 just dealing with issues with... 48 00:03:52,607 --> 00:03:54,642 you know, old issues with my mom or whatever. 49 00:03:54,643 --> 00:03:55,643 With your "mutha." 50 00:03:56,043 --> 00:03:58,411 Yeah, or-or... you know, 51 00:03:58,412 --> 00:03:59,779 when I say things about gay people 52 00:03:59,780 --> 00:04:01,515 or people think that my lyrics are homophobic, 53 00:04:01,516 --> 00:04:03,583 - Mm-hmm. - You know, it's because I'm gay. 54 00:04:03,584 --> 00:04:05,753 Um, when I rap about violence 55 00:04:05,754 --> 00:04:08,522 - Wait... -or, you know, sound like I'm promoting violence, 56 00:04:08,523 --> 00:04:10,825 I think that, uh... you know, 57 00:04:10,826 --> 00:04:12,760 - it's more or less because... - What? -What, what, what? 58 00:04:12,761 --> 00:04:14,895 You know, it's kind of... it's kind of about me just, 59 00:04:14,896 --> 00:04:16,564 you know, confronting it. 60 00:04:16,565 --> 00:04:17,833 - What did he just say? - Wait, can we play that...? 61 00:04:18,033 --> 00:04:19,766 - He said he was gay. - Did he just...? Dave? Dave? 62 00:04:19,767 --> 00:04:20,903 - Did he just say he was gay? - We're pretty sure 63 00:04:21,103 --> 00:04:22,905 in the booth we just heard him say he was gay. 64 00:04:23,105 --> 00:04:26,540 Em, let's just... back it up a moment. 65 00:04:26,541 --> 00:04:29,509 You... just said 66 00:04:29,510 --> 00:04:31,578 that you were gay? 67 00:04:31,579 --> 00:04:34,715 Um... and I'm just curious 68 00:04:34,716 --> 00:04:36,816 what you meant by that exactly. 69 00:04:36,817 --> 00:04:38,785 I mean I'm gay. 70 00:04:38,786 --> 00:04:41,922 Uh, I'm just a little confused here, because "gay" 71 00:04:41,923 --> 00:04:43,523 can mean a lot of things. 72 00:04:43,524 --> 00:04:44,524 I am a homosexual. 73 00:04:47,361 --> 00:04:49,929 Meaning...? 74 00:04:49,930 --> 00:04:51,834 I like men. 75 00:04:53,834 --> 00:04:55,703 What the fuck just happened? 76 00:04:55,704 --> 00:04:57,705 Eminem just said he was gay... four times. 77 00:04:57,706 --> 00:04:59,407 That's what the fuck just happened. 78 00:04:59,408 --> 00:05:00,540 - Holy shit. - Holy shit. 79 00:05:00,541 --> 00:05:01,809 Eminem's gay on our show. 80 00:05:01,810 --> 00:05:03,811 - Eminem's gay on our show! - Oh, my God! 81 00:05:03,812 --> 00:05:05,413 ...Camera two! Camera two! 82 00:05:05,414 --> 00:05:06,614 Gay Twitter! Gay Twitter's blowing up. 83 00:05:06,615 --> 00:05:07,982 - Holy shit. - Change the chyron. 84 00:05:07,983 --> 00:05:09,550 "Eminem Gay?!" Question mark, exclamation mark. 85 00:05:09,551 --> 00:05:12,153 Dave, keep him talking. Keep him talking. 86 00:05:12,154 --> 00:05:13,987 - Oh, my God. -Holy shit. - Push in on gay Eminem! 87 00:05:13,988 --> 00:05:15,723 This is the greatest moment in gay history! 88 00:05:15,724 --> 00:05:18,780 ...are probably shocked by what you're saying right now. 89 00:05:18,980 --> 00:05:21,961 I'm more shocked that people haven't figured it out yet. 90 00:05:21,962 --> 00:05:24,564 I mean, it's kind of like I've been playing gay peekaboo. 91 00:05:24,565 --> 00:05:25,999 Gay peekaboo. 92 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,434 Yeah. But, um... 93 00:05:27,435 --> 00:05:28,768 Shit. Camera one. Camera one. 94 00:05:28,769 --> 00:05:30,437 - This interview is over. - Shut it off. -No! 95 00:05:30,438 --> 00:05:32,006 - Shut it off. -Get the fuck out of here, Darryl. 96 00:05:32,007 --> 00:05:33,741 I am Marshall's publicist, and I'm telling you, 97 00:05:33,742 --> 00:05:35,141 - pull the fucking plug right now. - No. This is gold. 98 00:05:35,142 --> 00:05:36,744 I am not cutting this interview off. 99 00:05:36,745 --> 00:05:38,112 This is the best interview we've ever done. 100 00:05:38,113 --> 00:05:39,747 - What happens if I just do this? - No, get out. 101 00:05:39,748 --> 00:05:42,650 ...Shut it off! Shut it off! 102 00:05:42,651 --> 00:05:44,585 Get him out of here! Get him the fuck out of here! 103 00:05:44,586 --> 00:05:45,985 I will murder you and everyone you love! 104 00:05:45,986 --> 00:05:48,155 Thank you. Dave, look, I got the lyrics. 105 00:05:48,156 --> 00:05:49,622 Say what I say: 106 00:05:49,623 --> 00:05:52,660 What did you mean when you rapped... 107 00:05:52,661 --> 00:05:54,862 "I said nice rectum, I had a..." 108 00:05:54,863 --> 00:05:56,597 "...vasectomy, Hector. 109 00:05:56,598 --> 00:05:58,866 "So you can't get pregnant 110 00:05:58,867 --> 00:06:02,001 if I bisexually wreck ya." 111 00:06:02,002 --> 00:06:03,872 I've pretty much just been leaving a... 112 00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:05,939 bread-crumb trail of gayness. 113 00:06:05,940 --> 00:06:07,775 - I see that now. - You know. 114 00:06:07,776 --> 00:06:08,896 But yeah, actually Hector... 115 00:06:09,010 --> 00:06:10,878 Hector was a... was a real person. 116 00:06:10,879 --> 00:06:13,146 Hector and his rectum were real? 117 00:06:13,147 --> 00:06:15,549 - Holy shit. -It's real! - Hector rectum is real! 118 00:06:15,550 --> 00:06:18,886 - Yes! Yes! -Oh, I knew it! - Slim Shady, everyone! 119 00:06:18,887 --> 00:06:19,753 - Dude! Dude! 120 00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:21,489 Aaron, bring it in. 121 00:06:21,490 --> 00:06:23,557 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - Bring it in, big boy! 122 00:06:23,558 --> 00:06:24,891 ...Oh, my God... 123 00:06:24,892 --> 00:06:26,961 - Oh...! - Oh, my God! 124 00:06:26,962 --> 00:06:28,528 What the heck just happened? 125 00:06:28,529 --> 00:06:29,963 The real Slim Shady just stood up. 126 00:06:29,964 --> 00:06:31,631 Oh! -That's what the fuck just happened. 127 00:06:31,632 --> 00:06:33,901 This is like Spike Lee just said he's white. 128 00:06:33,902 --> 00:06:35,235 I can't believe what's happened. 129 00:06:35,236 --> 00:06:37,237 - You da man! You da man! - You da man! 130 00:06:37,238 --> 00:06:38,506 You're the best. 131 00:06:38,507 --> 00:06:39,908 You're the best. You're the best. 132 00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:41,742 - Unreal. -All right, listen, I'm gonna go get my makeup off. 133 00:06:41,743 --> 00:06:42,943 I want you to meet me downstairs. 134 00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:44,211 I got something to show you. 135 00:06:44,212 --> 00:06:46,514 Dude, just... where are we going? 136 00:06:46,515 --> 00:06:48,516 I thought we were going to the Hamptons for the weekend, man. 137 00:06:48,517 --> 00:06:49,984 - No, no, no, no, no, no... - What is this place? 138 00:06:49,985 --> 00:06:52,920 We're just, you know... just hanging out. 139 00:06:52,921 --> 00:06:55,189 - Okay. -All right, all right, all right. 140 00:06:55,190 --> 00:06:56,858 It's a surprise party... for you. 141 00:06:57,058 --> 00:06:58,958 What? Why? Why did you just tell me that? 142 00:06:58,959 --> 00:07:00,528 Yes! I... 'Cause I'm so excited. 143 00:07:00,529 --> 00:07:02,530 This is gonna be great. This is gonna be great. 144 00:07:02,531 --> 00:07:03,797 I don't understand what's happening. 145 00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:05,833 Surprise! 146 00:07:05,834 --> 00:07:07,268 All right, all right. I already told him. 147 00:07:07,269 --> 00:07:08,968 I already told him. Come on, come on. 148 00:07:08,969 --> 00:07:10,670 You're best in the world, you fucking cocksucker. 149 00:07:10,671 --> 00:07:12,540 All right, not now, Malcolm. Not now, not now. Come on. 150 00:07:12,541 --> 00:07:14,542 - Come on. -Thank you. - Why... why is this happening? 151 00:07:14,543 --> 00:07:16,210 You've been with us 152 00:07:16,211 --> 00:07:17,744 for 1,000 episodes. 153 00:07:17,745 --> 00:07:19,879 - Are you kidding me? - Ten years, baby! 154 00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:21,247 - Are you fucking... - Come on. 155 00:07:21,248 --> 00:07:23,283 I really do. It's, uh... I appreciate it. 156 00:07:23,284 --> 00:07:24,951 - All right. - Okay. 157 00:07:24,952 --> 00:07:26,554 All right, now, 158 00:07:26,555 --> 00:07:30,723 I know I like to keep it light, keep it fun. 159 00:07:30,724 --> 00:07:33,727 I'm gonna take it to a serious tip. 160 00:07:33,728 --> 00:07:35,228 I'm gonna talk about Aaron. 161 00:07:36,096 --> 00:07:38,566 Before we started working together, 162 00:07:38,567 --> 00:07:40,345 my show barely broke the top 15. 163 00:07:40,636 --> 00:07:42,838 So I called up this professor that worked 164 00:07:43,038 --> 00:07:44,838 at the Columbia School of Journalism that I... 165 00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:46,706 I was having sex with, and I said, 166 00:07:46,707 --> 00:07:50,177 "I need someone smarter than anyone in entertainment. 167 00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:52,246 I need a real journalist." 168 00:07:52,247 --> 00:07:55,017 Aaron, you are the Samwise Gamgee 169 00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:58,151 to my Frodo Baggins. 170 00:07:58,152 --> 00:08:01,722 You are the Gandalf to my Bilbo Baggins. 171 00:08:01,723 --> 00:08:04,891 But of all the Lord of the Rings references that I could make, 172 00:08:04,892 --> 00:08:06,894 this is the most important: 173 00:08:07,894 --> 00:08:10,730 - I'm Gollum... 174 00:08:10,731 --> 00:08:13,902 ...and you're my precious. 175 00:08:14,902 --> 00:08:17,004 Smeagol needs Aaron. 176 00:08:17,005 --> 00:08:19,006 "One Ring to rule them all, 177 00:08:19,007 --> 00:08:21,609 and in the darkness bind them." 178 00:08:21,610 --> 00:08:24,345 Now, get up here! Get up here! 179 00:08:24,346 --> 00:08:26,814 - Come up here, buddy. - I love you. -Okay. Okay. Okay. 180 00:08:26,815 --> 00:08:28,317 - I fucking love you. - Oh... 181 00:08:32,954 --> 00:08:34,822 Hey. 182 00:08:35,822 --> 00:08:37,157 Hey! 183 00:08:37,158 --> 00:08:39,158 Hey. 184 00:08:39,159 --> 00:08:41,928 Yeah. Like, what's that? 185 00:08:41,929 --> 00:08:42,830 Come on, man. What's happening? 186 00:08:43,030 --> 00:08:44,764 - Hey, yeah. - Hey, yeah. 187 00:08:44,765 --> 00:08:46,300 - Wh-What's happening? - How's it going, dude? 188 00:08:46,301 --> 00:08:48,837 We haven't seen each other since graduation, right? 189 00:08:49,037 --> 00:08:51,238 - Yeah. Probably. - Wow. And, uh... 190 00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:53,307 Wait. Am I wrong? Are you, like, a... 191 00:08:53,308 --> 00:08:55,643 you're a junior producer on "60 Minutes," right? 192 00:08:55,644 --> 00:08:56,877 I'm now a senior producer. 193 00:08:56,878 --> 00:08:58,278 - No way, man. - Yeah. Yeah. 194 00:08:58,279 --> 00:08:59,812 - That's awesome. - Thank you. 195 00:08:59,813 --> 00:09:02,950 Look at us... both producing news for television. 196 00:09:02,951 --> 00:09:04,118 Yeah. 197 00:09:04,119 --> 00:09:06,787 - What was that? - Nothing. 198 00:09:06,788 --> 00:09:08,956 It was clearly something. What's the joke? 199 00:09:08,957 --> 00:09:10,658 No, I mean, like, you've got your job, 200 00:09:10,659 --> 00:09:12,225 I got mine, but they're different, you know? 201 00:09:12,226 --> 00:09:13,693 Yours is cool; mine's just 202 00:09:13,694 --> 00:09:14,862 a little bit more serious, you know? 203 00:09:15,062 --> 00:09:17,230 What are you saying? We have the same job. 204 00:09:17,231 --> 00:09:20,366 I report real news... You know, stuff that matters... 205 00:09:20,367 --> 00:09:22,735 And then you report on all the cool 206 00:09:22,736 --> 00:09:23,836 "who's getting new boobs" and, like, 207 00:09:23,837 --> 00:09:25,372 the fun eating disorder stuff. 208 00:09:25,373 --> 00:09:27,240 You really helped build up "60 Minutes," too, right? 209 00:09:27,241 --> 00:09:28,875 They'd be nothing without you. 210 00:09:28,876 --> 00:09:30,377 It's only been on for 80 fucking years. 211 00:09:30,378 --> 00:09:31,945 Look, I... I'm sorry. 212 00:09:31,946 --> 00:09:33,346 I'm sorry... look... I shouldn't say this, 213 00:09:33,347 --> 00:09:35,282 but we got an opening over at "60 Minutes," 214 00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:37,250 and we could use somebody like you. 215 00:09:37,251 --> 00:09:38,885 Are you serious? 216 00:09:38,886 --> 00:09:40,687 I'm fucking with you, man. Come on! You? 217 00:09:40,688 --> 00:09:42,889 At where I work? You'd be eaten alive at our office. 218 00:09:42,890 --> 00:09:44,825 Okay, I'm gonna catch up with these guys, 219 00:09:44,826 --> 00:09:45,826 but cheers, man. 220 00:09:46,027 --> 00:09:48,732 Congrats... or whatever. 221 00:09:52,732 --> 00:09:54,835 When did the hair begin to go? 222 00:09:54,836 --> 00:09:56,336 - I would say... 223 00:09:56,337 --> 00:09:57,615 around "The Outsiders." 224 00:10:01,274 --> 00:10:03,110 When you're ready. 225 00:10:03,111 --> 00:10:06,113 I don't think I'll ever be ready, but... 226 00:10:06,114 --> 00:10:08,688 - Oh, wig's coming off. - Oh. 227 00:10:13,688 --> 00:10:15,188 Whoa. 228 00:10:15,189 --> 00:10:16,856 Oh, Jesus fuck. 229 00:10:16,857 --> 00:10:18,859 Why does he keep the long pieces? 230 00:10:18,860 --> 00:10:20,728 His head looks like somebody's taint. 231 00:10:20,729 --> 00:10:22,995 - You barely look different. - Thanks, man. 232 00:10:22,996 --> 00:10:24,731 You... you said you were bald. 233 00:10:24,732 --> 00:10:26,399 I... I see a little stuff on top. 234 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:28,268 - It's so freeing! - Rob... 235 00:10:28,269 --> 00:10:33,274 is there anything that you would like to say to America? 236 00:10:37,944 --> 00:10:38,667 Good evening. 237 00:10:38,867 --> 00:10:39,881 I'm Phillip Sterling 238 00:10:40,081 --> 00:10:41,804 with a UBS News Special Report. 239 00:10:42,049 --> 00:10:43,283 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 240 00:10:43,284 --> 00:10:44,985 Kim Jong-un's military forces 241 00:10:44,986 --> 00:10:47,421 targeted an uninhabited South Pacific island 242 00:10:47,422 --> 00:10:50,423 with a 15-megaton thermonuclear ICBM. 243 00:10:50,424 --> 00:10:51,859 Yo, Dave, we're not live anymore. 244 00:10:52,059 --> 00:10:53,961 - They just cut our feed. - We're off the air? 245 00:10:53,962 --> 00:10:56,997 Goddamn it! Rob, would you just put your fucking wig on? 246 00:10:56,998 --> 00:10:58,765 They fucked us! Goddamn it! 247 00:10:58,766 --> 00:11:00,300 Somebody tell me what's going on? 248 00:11:00,301 --> 00:11:04,837 Dude... seriously, what is up with you? 249 00:11:04,838 --> 00:11:07,173 You know how I'm good at picking up energies? 250 00:11:07,174 --> 00:11:09,909 Well, you're shooting off a slightly cunty vibe right now. 251 00:11:09,910 --> 00:11:11,478 What's going on? 252 00:11:11,479 --> 00:11:13,113 We have millions of viewers every night 253 00:11:13,114 --> 00:11:14,848 watching our show, and what do we do? 254 00:11:14,849 --> 00:11:16,383 We just shovel shit into their faces, man. 255 00:11:16,384 --> 00:11:18,185 We could be doing something positive. 256 00:11:18,186 --> 00:11:21,131 We could be having on authors, activists, politicians. 257 00:11:21,690 --> 00:11:23,891 That's what people want. "Give us some shit. 258 00:11:24,091 --> 00:11:25,926 "Mangia. We're the people. Give us the shit. 259 00:11:25,927 --> 00:11:27,794 Mangia, mangia, mangia." 260 00:11:27,795 --> 00:11:31,331 Dude, I wanted to cover actual news, not Nicki Minaj's vagina 261 00:11:31,332 --> 00:11:32,800 fuckin' flopping out at the Grammys. 262 00:11:32,801 --> 00:11:34,081 You don't like that brown sugar? 263 00:11:34,101 --> 00:11:35,802 Nothing to do with brown sugar. 264 00:11:35,803 --> 00:11:37,236 I just can't keep doing this, okay? 265 00:11:37,237 --> 00:11:38,875 We have to change. 266 00:11:41,875 --> 00:11:43,709 - Fine. - Are you serious right now? 267 00:11:43,909 --> 00:11:45,847 - Yeah. - Do you promise you'll do this? 268 00:11:46,047 --> 00:11:49,215 I promise if you promise you'll never leave. 269 00:11:49,216 --> 00:11:50,884 If you promise, then I'll promise. 270 00:11:50,885 --> 00:11:52,418 - Well, then, same time. - One, two, three. 271 00:11:52,419 --> 00:11:53,519 - Promise. - Promise. 272 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:54,555 - Okay. - Okay. 273 00:11:54,556 --> 00:11:55,857 That's all we had to say. 274 00:11:56,057 --> 00:11:57,557 - Fine. - Don't put me through that. 275 00:11:57,558 --> 00:12:00,259 - Okay. - I hate it when we fight. 276 00:12:00,260 --> 00:12:02,495 No, this is not a joke, okay? 277 00:12:02,496 --> 00:12:04,264 Well, I think you're being kind of condescending. 278 00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:05,532 - Look! Look, look, look... - What? Yeah... one second. 279 00:12:05,533 --> 00:12:07,267 Shut up. I'm on the phone. 280 00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:09,002 - Okay? Uh... 281 00:12:09,003 --> 00:12:11,906 Dude, what the fuck, man? That was John Kerry's office. 282 00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:13,373 Forget that oak-tree-looking fuck. 283 00:12:13,374 --> 00:12:15,509 This tops it. "The Times" printed it 284 00:12:15,510 --> 00:12:17,978 about... about North Korea. Read the bottom. 285 00:12:17,979 --> 00:12:20,581 After all the... the death camp shit. 286 00:12:20,582 --> 00:12:22,481 "Although Kim Jong-un rallies his people 287 00:12:22,482 --> 00:12:24,384 "with cries for the destruction 288 00:12:24,385 --> 00:12:26,552 "of the United States of America, he is known 289 00:12:26,553 --> 00:12:29,322 "to be an avid consumer of American entertainment. 290 00:12:29,323 --> 00:12:32,259 His favorite shows are 'The Big Bang Theory...'" 291 00:12:32,260 --> 00:12:34,193 And...? 292 00:12:34,194 --> 00:12:36,562 "...and 'Skylark Tonight.'" 293 00:12:36,563 --> 00:12:38,332 Oh! Boom! 294 00:12:40,201 --> 00:12:41,500 This is great! 295 00:12:41,501 --> 00:12:43,336 This is what you were talking about. 296 00:12:43,337 --> 00:12:45,438 I interview this guy. 297 00:12:45,439 --> 00:12:46,907 Are you joking me, man? He's the most 298 00:12:47,107 --> 00:12:48,307 reclusive leader on the planet. 299 00:12:48,308 --> 00:12:49,909 It's not gonna happen. 300 00:12:49,910 --> 00:12:51,879 He lives in North Korea. We can't go there. 301 00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:54,015 Dave Skylark... gets in anywhere. 302 00:12:55,015 --> 00:12:56,917 You remember that club? 303 00:12:56,918 --> 00:12:58,284 Three-month waiting list. 304 00:12:58,285 --> 00:12:59,952 First night. 305 00:12:59,953 --> 00:13:02,154 I don't think it's quite the same thing. 306 00:13:02,155 --> 00:13:04,291 Well, there were a lot of Asian girls there. 307 00:13:04,292 --> 00:13:05,558 It's impossible, Dave. 308 00:13:05,559 --> 00:13:06,927 Here's what we're gonna do. 309 00:13:06,928 --> 00:13:08,528 We're gonna do that interview, 310 00:13:08,529 --> 00:13:12,132 everyone is gonna take you super-duper seriously, 311 00:13:12,133 --> 00:13:14,634 and then you're never gonna leave me. 312 00:13:14,635 --> 00:13:16,570 North Korea's in the Olympics, right? 313 00:13:16,571 --> 00:13:18,605 I bet they have an office that is 314 00:13:18,606 --> 00:13:20,307 set up to communicate with the Olympic Committee, 315 00:13:20,308 --> 00:13:21,541 so there's probably 316 00:13:21,542 --> 00:13:23,476 some infrastructure for communicating with 317 00:13:23,477 --> 00:13:25,177 the outside world through that. 318 00:13:25,178 --> 00:13:26,913 Good idea. Those wheels are turning. 319 00:13:26,914 --> 00:13:28,581 - If I leave a message for that office... -Yeah. 320 00:13:28,582 --> 00:13:30,450 - then maybe, if they're a fan of the show, -Mm-hmm. 321 00:13:30,451 --> 00:13:32,252 - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. - That can actually work. 322 00:13:32,253 --> 00:13:34,321 - We could interview the most famous man on the planet. -Yeah. 323 00:13:34,322 --> 00:13:35,857 - That would be the biggest interview ever. -Yeah... 324 00:13:36,057 --> 00:13:37,590 Guys, guys, guys, guys! I don't know if you've 325 00:13:37,591 --> 00:13:39,359 heard this, but some pictures just came out 326 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:40,994 where it looks like McConaughey's fucking a goat. 327 00:13:40,995 --> 00:13:43,330 - Whoa. "McConaughey Goat Fuck"? - Ew... 328 00:13:43,331 --> 00:13:44,554 McConaughey Goat Fuck. 329 00:13:45,066 --> 00:13:46,499 - Uh... 330 00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:49,135 Okay, we obviously have to have him on to do that, 331 00:13:49,136 --> 00:13:50,570 so... we should put that together. 332 00:13:50,571 --> 00:13:52,471 But we're doing this North Korea thing, okay? 333 00:13:52,472 --> 00:13:54,374 - First thing tomorrow. Okay. - Book him, though. Book him. 334 00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:56,109 - Get him, get him, get him! - Get the goat! -I'm on him. 335 00:13:56,110 --> 00:13:57,945 Get the goat! 336 00:13:57,946 --> 00:13:59,917 I got some questions for that goat. 337 00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:08,488 Hello. This is Aaron Rapoport from "Skylark Tonight." 338 00:14:08,489 --> 00:14:10,389 We heard your Supreme Leader is a big fan 339 00:14:10,390 --> 00:14:12,491 of our show, and we'd love to have him on. 340 00:14:12,492 --> 00:14:15,128 Uh, please get back to me and let me know. 341 00:14:15,129 --> 00:14:17,264 I'm about to head to an important meeting, 342 00:14:17,265 --> 00:14:18,900 but, uh, I'll be around in the morning. 343 00:14:19,100 --> 00:14:20,433 - Hope to hear from you. 344 00:14:20,434 --> 00:14:23,170 Ooh! Yeah. 345 00:14:24,170 --> 00:14:25,672 - Hi. - Hey. 346 00:14:25,673 --> 00:14:28,675 Uh, Mercer and Spring, please. 347 00:14:28,676 --> 00:14:30,678 Whoo! 348 00:14:37,684 --> 00:14:39,152 Hello? 349 00:14:39,153 --> 00:14:40,553 Hello. Who dis? 350 00:14:40,554 --> 00:14:42,389 I am trying to reach Aaron Rapoport. 351 00:14:42,390 --> 00:14:43,724 You got Aaron Rapoport. 352 00:14:43,725 --> 00:14:45,993 - Who dis is? - You left word 353 00:14:45,994 --> 00:14:47,226 with our office regarding an interview. 354 00:14:47,227 --> 00:14:48,695 Look, Dave, is this you? 355 00:14:48,696 --> 00:14:50,163 'Cause if it is, 356 00:14:50,164 --> 00:14:52,532 you're doing a terrible Asian accent. 357 00:14:52,533 --> 00:14:53,533 Me so "solly." 358 00:14:54,067 --> 00:14:56,235 Me gots to go now, son. 359 00:14:56,236 --> 00:14:58,205 I am from the office of Sook-yin Park, 360 00:14:58,206 --> 00:15:00,007 Secretary of Communications 361 00:15:00,008 --> 00:15:02,175 with the Democratic People's Republic of North Korea. 362 00:15:02,176 --> 00:15:04,143 Oh, my God. Uh... 363 00:15:04,144 --> 00:15:05,745 Shit. Uh, me so solly. 364 00:15:05,746 --> 00:15:07,815 I mean, I'm so solly. I mean, I-I'm so sor... 365 00:15:08,015 --> 00:15:10,085 I'm-I'm... I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. 366 00:15:10,866 --> 00:15:13,754 We would like to discuss the possibility of a meeting 367 00:15:13,755 --> 00:15:16,156 between the Supreme Leader and Dave Skylark. 368 00:15:16,157 --> 00:15:17,356 Security concerns dictate 369 00:15:17,357 --> 00:15:19,558 that the matter be discussed in person. 370 00:15:19,559 --> 00:15:22,195 Uh, okay, great. Where... where do you do that? 371 00:15:22,196 --> 00:15:25,599 We will meet at latitude 40.1326, 372 00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:28,502 longitude 123.9889. 373 00:15:28,503 --> 00:15:30,336 Just 'cause I'm not, like, totally familiar 374 00:15:30,337 --> 00:15:31,605 with my longitudes and latitudes, 375 00:15:31,606 --> 00:15:33,306 where is that again? 376 00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:36,743 50 kilometers west of Dandong, northeastern China. 377 00:15:36,744 --> 00:15:38,577 Did you just say "China"? 378 00:15:38,578 --> 00:15:40,750 And did you just say "dong"? 379 00:15:47,422 --> 00:15:49,591 Going to motherfucking China, y'all. 380 00:16:06,774 --> 00:16:08,475 Excuse me, can I get in there? 381 00:16:08,476 --> 00:16:10,243 Thank you. 382 00:16:10,244 --> 00:16:11,712 Hi, there. 383 00:16:13,380 --> 00:16:15,315 No, thank you. 384 00:16:15,316 --> 00:16:18,319 I'll just get it through secondhand smoke. 385 00:16:20,319 --> 00:16:22,523 Selfie! 386 00:16:50,817 --> 00:16:52,552 Well, where the fuck are they? 387 00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:55,525 What the fuck? 388 00:17:10,203 --> 00:17:11,452 No, no! 389 00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:31,223 No! No! 390 00:17:31,224 --> 00:17:32,858 I'm an American journalist! 391 00:17:32,859 --> 00:17:33,926 Aaron Rapoport! 392 00:17:33,927 --> 00:17:34,983 I was invited here! 393 00:17:36,364 --> 00:17:37,663 I come in peace! 394 00:17:37,664 --> 00:17:38,797 I'm here for interview! 395 00:17:38,798 --> 00:17:42,779 Please don't kill me! 396 00:17:53,779 --> 00:17:57,616 Mr. Rapoport, I am Sook-yin Park. 397 00:17:57,617 --> 00:18:00,187 The Supreme Leader will grant a one-hour interview 398 00:18:00,188 --> 00:18:02,489 to Mr. Skylark from inside North Korea. 399 00:18:02,490 --> 00:18:05,424 All questions will be supplied by the Supreme Leader himself. 400 00:18:05,425 --> 00:18:08,761 Terms are nonnegotiable. You have 24 hours to decide. 401 00:18:08,762 --> 00:18:11,765 - That's it? - Yes. 402 00:18:11,766 --> 00:18:13,833 Why didn't you guys tell me this over the phone? 403 00:18:13,834 --> 00:18:15,768 Or Skype? Do you guys have Skype? 404 00:18:15,769 --> 00:18:17,636 Do you have Skype here? Okay. 405 00:18:17,637 --> 00:18:19,538 Well, look, can you give me some water? 406 00:18:19,539 --> 00:18:21,508 That guy has water! 407 00:18:21,509 --> 00:18:23,610 Please give me a ride somewhere! 408 00:18:23,611 --> 00:18:25,644 I didn't pack well for this trip! 409 00:18:25,645 --> 00:18:27,514 I packed like a fool! 410 00:18:27,515 --> 00:18:29,848 Like a goddamn fool! 411 00:18:29,849 --> 00:18:32,919 Please! Please! 412 00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:35,692 Whoa. 413 00:18:48,635 --> 00:18:50,537 Damn, she was sexy. 414 00:18:50,538 --> 00:18:52,939 The fucking helicopter landed. 415 00:18:52,940 --> 00:18:54,574 I'm in the middle of nowhere. 416 00:18:54,575 --> 00:18:56,242 Two soldiers jump out. 417 00:18:56,243 --> 00:18:57,410 I think I'm gonna get killed. 418 00:18:57,411 --> 00:18:59,845 Then, out comes Sook. 419 00:18:59,846 --> 00:19:00,846 I told you about her. 420 00:19:00,847 --> 00:19:02,481 She comes out of the helicopter. 421 00:19:02,482 --> 00:19:04,351 - She's hot, super sexy. - How hot? 422 00:19:04,352 --> 00:19:05,819 - Did you get in there? -Yeah, I fucked her in the helicopter. 423 00:19:06,019 --> 00:19:07,420 My fucking man! 424 00:19:07,421 --> 00:19:09,989 No, I didn't do that, dude. No! 425 00:19:09,990 --> 00:19:11,891 - Okay. -She said we couldn't ask any of our own questions. 426 00:19:11,892 --> 00:19:14,294 They were gonna write all the questions. 427 00:19:14,295 --> 00:19:15,428 We can't do it. 428 00:19:15,429 --> 00:19:16,695 We're essentially letting him 429 00:19:16,696 --> 00:19:19,266 interview himself with your mouth. 430 00:19:19,267 --> 00:19:20,566 Look! 431 00:19:20,567 --> 00:19:21,735 Look at this buttfuck! 432 00:19:21,736 --> 00:19:23,970 He's got a whole parade of nukes. 433 00:19:23,971 --> 00:19:25,337 He's ready to use them. 434 00:19:25,338 --> 00:19:27,507 When you score a bin Laden 435 00:19:27,508 --> 00:19:30,509 or a Hitler or an Un, 436 00:19:30,510 --> 00:19:32,979 you take it by the balls! 437 00:19:32,980 --> 00:19:34,713 It's the first rule of journalism. 438 00:19:34,714 --> 00:19:36,716 You give the people what they want. 439 00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:37,819 That's not the first rule of journalism. 440 00:19:38,019 --> 00:19:39,385 I think that's the first rule of, 441 00:19:39,386 --> 00:19:40,886 like, circuses and demolition derbies. 442 00:19:40,887 --> 00:19:43,989 This is the biggest interview since Frosty Nixon. 443 00:19:43,990 --> 00:19:45,991 - Frosty Nixon? - I mean, in ten years, 444 00:19:45,992 --> 00:19:48,361 Ron Howard's gonna make a movie out of this. 445 00:19:48,362 --> 00:19:49,595 We do this, we can interview 446 00:19:49,596 --> 00:19:52,499 any president on the planet. 447 00:19:52,500 --> 00:19:55,301 And then you can ask them the real questions. 448 00:19:55,302 --> 00:19:58,470 This is like eating our vegetables. 449 00:19:58,471 --> 00:19:59,705 Once you eat those, 450 00:19:59,706 --> 00:20:01,508 then you get to eat the steak. 451 00:20:01,509 --> 00:20:03,610 And we know Aaron wants his steak. 452 00:20:03,611 --> 00:20:06,479 This is like... 453 00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:07,614 "The Lord of the Rings." 454 00:20:07,615 --> 00:20:09,382 Okay? 455 00:20:09,383 --> 00:20:12,654 I'm actually like Frodo Baggins. 456 00:20:14,654 --> 00:20:17,790 And you are my Sam. 457 00:20:17,791 --> 00:20:18,791 My Samwise. 458 00:20:19,059 --> 00:20:20,504 I can't do it without you. 459 00:20:21,028 --> 00:20:22,761 - Okay. - Come with me. 460 00:20:22,762 --> 00:20:24,396 To Mordor. 461 00:20:24,397 --> 00:20:25,842 Okay, let's fucking do it. 462 00:20:26,067 --> 00:20:27,070 - Yeah? - Yeah. 463 00:20:31,070 --> 00:20:33,940 As always, I'd like to thank my guest, 464 00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:35,575 Joe Gordon-Levitt. 465 00:20:35,576 --> 00:20:36,843 And before we go, 466 00:20:36,844 --> 00:20:39,679 I have a very special announcement. 467 00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:42,915 With the help of my outstanding producer, 468 00:20:42,916 --> 00:20:45,919 Aaron Rapoport, I've secured the most important interview 469 00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:48,355 of the 21st century. 470 00:20:48,356 --> 00:20:50,390 Three weeks from tonight, 471 00:20:50,391 --> 00:20:53,460 I will be traveling to Pyongyang, North Korea, 472 00:20:53,461 --> 00:20:57,463 to conduct the first globally broadcast interview 473 00:20:57,464 --> 00:20:59,531 with President Kim Jong-un. 474 00:20:59,532 --> 00:21:02,969 I am deeply humbled and profoundly honored 475 00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:06,538 to accept this most awesome responsibility. 476 00:21:06,539 --> 00:21:08,974 Apparently, Dave Skylark will be interviewing 477 00:21:08,975 --> 00:21:10,943 the dictator of North Korea. 478 00:21:10,944 --> 00:21:12,278 100 bucks Skylark thinks 479 00:21:13,012 --> 00:21:14,948 he's the guy from "Gangnam Style." 480 00:21:14,949 --> 00:21:17,717 Obscene glorification of a brutal dictator. 481 00:21:17,718 --> 00:21:19,551 This is a man who tortures, 482 00:21:19,552 --> 00:21:21,788 terrorizes and starves his own people. 483 00:21:21,789 --> 00:21:24,557 - Skylark is beneath despicable. - Fuck this. 484 00:21:24,558 --> 00:21:26,625 Meeee-ow. 485 00:21:26,626 --> 00:21:29,162 What a fucking bitch, am I right? 486 00:21:29,163 --> 00:21:30,829 No, you're not right. 487 00:21:30,830 --> 00:21:32,832 He's not being a bitch. He's completely right. 488 00:21:32,833 --> 00:21:36,635 He's motherfucking peanut butter and jealous. 489 00:21:36,636 --> 00:21:38,137 - He's not jealous. - He's putting 490 00:21:38,138 --> 00:21:40,140 KY jealous all over his dick. 491 00:21:40,141 --> 00:21:42,142 What is there to be jealous of? 492 00:21:42,143 --> 00:21:44,176 Fuckers hate us 'cause they ain't us. 493 00:21:44,177 --> 00:21:45,845 They hates us 'cause we "anus"? 494 00:21:45,846 --> 00:21:47,814 What the fuck does an anus have to do with this? 495 00:21:47,815 --> 00:21:50,182 They hate us 'cause they ain't us. 496 00:21:50,183 --> 00:21:51,918 That's not what it is. 497 00:21:51,919 --> 00:21:53,452 - Yes, it is. - No, it's not. 498 00:21:53,453 --> 00:21:54,820 They hate us 'cause we is us, 499 00:21:54,821 --> 00:21:56,922 and what we is doing is fucking terrible. 500 00:21:56,923 --> 00:21:58,825 They fucking hate us 'cause they ain't us. 501 00:21:58,826 --> 00:22:00,860 - Stop saying that. They don't - Hate us 'cause they ain't us. 502 00:22:00,861 --> 00:22:02,929 - Hate us 'cause they ain't us! - Hate us 'cause they ain't us! 503 00:22:02,930 --> 00:22:04,797 - They don't hate us 'cause they ain't us. - I'm used to it. 504 00:22:04,798 --> 00:22:06,833 - Hate us 'cause they ain't us. - Stop it. Stop it. 505 00:22:06,834 --> 00:22:09,169 - Don't say it again. - Shh. 506 00:22:09,170 --> 00:22:10,769 Baby. 507 00:22:10,770 --> 00:22:12,740 Haters gonna hate. 508 00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:15,674 And ain't-ers gonna ain't. 509 00:22:15,675 --> 00:22:18,178 That is not an actual thing people say. 510 00:22:18,179 --> 00:22:19,846 This is what you do to haters. 511 00:22:20,047 --> 00:22:22,950 You just smile. 512 00:22:29,022 --> 00:22:30,058 What is that? 513 00:22:31,058 --> 00:22:33,703 The strongest ecstasy I've ever done in my life. 514 00:22:54,581 --> 00:22:56,114 Oh... 515 00:22:56,115 --> 00:22:58,184 Oh, what the fuck? 516 00:22:59,787 --> 00:23:01,489 Okay. 517 00:23:02,655 --> 00:23:03,655 Okay, I'm coming. 518 00:23:09,462 --> 00:23:10,462 Oh, shit. 519 00:23:12,799 --> 00:23:14,103 Oh... oh, God. 520 00:23:17,103 --> 00:23:18,538 Mr. Rapoport. 521 00:23:18,539 --> 00:23:20,006 I'm Agent Lacey 522 00:23:20,007 --> 00:23:21,240 with Central Intelligence, 523 00:23:21,241 --> 00:23:22,808 and this is my partner, Agent Botwin. 524 00:23:22,809 --> 00:23:24,711 Aaron, whoever that is, 525 00:23:24,712 --> 00:23:25,979 tell them to fuck off. 526 00:23:25,980 --> 00:23:27,814 Dave, it's, uh, 527 00:23:27,815 --> 00:23:30,950 - it's not... -Yo, I don't know who I fucked last night, 528 00:23:30,951 --> 00:23:33,286 but I got some stink dick. 529 00:23:33,287 --> 00:23:36,288 Yo, my dick stinks! 530 00:23:36,289 --> 00:23:38,892 So weird how you, like, 531 00:23:38,893 --> 00:23:41,160 just want to keep smelling it, though. 532 00:23:41,161 --> 00:23:43,595 Yo, you got to come over and smell this shit. 533 00:23:43,596 --> 00:23:44,830 Yo, come smell this. 534 00:23:44,831 --> 00:23:45,964 You got to identify this. 535 00:23:45,965 --> 00:23:47,165 I don't know what it is. 536 00:23:47,166 --> 00:23:48,934 Excuse him. 537 00:23:48,935 --> 00:23:50,269 He has stink dick. 538 00:23:50,270 --> 00:23:52,538 It kind of smells like guacamole. 539 00:23:52,539 --> 00:23:54,239 May we come in? 540 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:56,543 Would you, um, 541 00:23:56,544 --> 00:23:59,711 like a drink or some of Aaron's cocaine? 542 00:23:59,712 --> 00:24:01,748 This is not our cocaine. This is... 543 00:24:01,749 --> 00:24:03,182 No, I'm sure it's not. 544 00:24:03,183 --> 00:24:06,618 So, uh, how can we, uh, what can we do you for? 545 00:24:06,619 --> 00:24:08,253 - Yeah, to what do we owe the pleasure? - AARON: Yeah. 546 00:24:08,254 --> 00:24:09,788 Well, Aaron, Dave, 547 00:24:09,789 --> 00:24:10,957 as I'm sure 548 00:24:10,958 --> 00:24:12,724 you know already, 549 00:24:12,725 --> 00:24:13,992 Kim Jong-un is now capable 550 00:24:13,993 --> 00:24:17,297 of nuking all of the West Coast. 551 00:24:17,298 --> 00:24:19,899 The point is we're talking about nuclear nations 552 00:24:19,900 --> 00:24:21,901 at war with each other. 553 00:24:21,902 --> 00:24:23,268 Nuclear. 554 00:24:23,269 --> 00:24:24,671 He does have one 555 00:24:24,672 --> 00:24:27,006 tactical advantage over the West. 556 00:24:27,007 --> 00:24:29,785 He's more than willing to let millions and millions 557 00:24:30,010 --> 00:24:31,577 of his own people die. 558 00:24:31,578 --> 00:24:34,814 Ba-bam. Explosions. All over my face. 559 00:24:34,815 --> 00:24:36,817 I'm sorry, we had kind of a long night last night. 560 00:24:37,017 --> 00:24:38,183 Why are you telling us 561 00:24:38,184 --> 00:24:39,740 - all this information? - Well, 562 00:24:39,940 --> 00:24:42,889 well, we're telling you this because you two lucky gentlemen 563 00:24:43,089 --> 00:24:44,825 are going to be in a room alone with him, 564 00:24:45,025 --> 00:24:46,593 and congratulations, by the way. 565 00:24:46,594 --> 00:24:47,428 That's right! 566 00:24:47,628 --> 00:24:49,761 Which is part of the reason why we're here. 567 00:24:49,762 --> 00:24:51,297 The CIA would love it 568 00:24:51,298 --> 00:24:53,665 if you two could... 569 00:24:53,666 --> 00:24:55,069 take him out. 570 00:24:57,069 --> 00:24:58,904 Hmm? 571 00:24:58,905 --> 00:25:00,640 - Take him out. - Take him out? 572 00:25:00,641 --> 00:25:02,307 - Like, for drinks? - No, no, no. 573 00:25:02,308 --> 00:25:04,176 - Take him out. - Take out. 574 00:25:04,177 --> 00:25:05,897 - Like, to dinner? - Take him out to a meal? 575 00:25:06,012 --> 00:25:07,313 Take him out. 576 00:25:07,314 --> 00:25:08,759 - Like, on the town? - Party? 577 00:25:09,016 --> 00:25:10,018 No, uh... 578 00:25:11,018 --> 00:25:13,185 take him out. 579 00:25:13,186 --> 00:25:16,855 You want us to assassinate the leader of North Korea? 580 00:25:16,856 --> 00:25:19,791 - Yes. - What...?! 581 00:25:19,792 --> 00:25:21,227 If we kill him, won't they just get 582 00:25:21,228 --> 00:25:22,795 another chubby dude with a goofy hairdo 583 00:25:22,796 --> 00:25:24,230 to come in and replace him? 584 00:25:24,231 --> 00:25:26,865 - Exactly, exactly. -And then the same thing happens? 585 00:25:26,866 --> 00:25:28,735 Uh, actually, we're aware of a small faction 586 00:25:28,736 --> 00:25:31,203 in the existing leadership that already wants him gone. 587 00:25:31,204 --> 00:25:33,705 They want change; they're too scared to act alone, 588 00:25:33,706 --> 00:25:34,908 and they need you two to go in there... 589 00:25:35,108 --> 00:25:36,375 Hmm... 590 00:25:36,376 --> 00:25:40,246 remove Kim, embolden them to revolt 591 00:25:40,247 --> 00:25:42,214 and take over. 592 00:25:42,215 --> 00:25:45,652 Are you, Agent Lacey, going to be involved? 593 00:25:45,653 --> 00:25:48,755 I am going to be in your ear, 594 00:25:48,756 --> 00:25:52,224 by your side, every step of the way. 595 00:25:52,225 --> 00:25:54,095 Then I have one answer. 596 00:25:55,095 --> 00:25:56,095 No more Kim. 597 00:25:57,030 --> 00:25:58,864 Uh, you know what? 598 00:25:58,865 --> 00:26:00,165 Actually, I think we should talk about it more. 599 00:26:00,166 --> 00:26:01,901 - Okay, all right. - Okay, let's just... 600 00:26:01,902 --> 00:26:02,969 - We're just gonna talk. - We're just gonna talk. 601 00:26:02,970 --> 00:26:04,002 By all means. 602 00:26:04,003 --> 00:26:05,003 Just for the record, 603 00:26:05,004 --> 00:26:06,338 I don't have stink dick. 604 00:26:07,106 --> 00:26:09,441 Come over here, come here, come in here... 605 00:26:09,442 --> 00:26:12,245 I think we need to do this. 606 00:26:12,246 --> 00:26:14,780 She is so cool. 607 00:26:14,781 --> 00:26:16,915 You don't see what's happening, and it's so obvious. 608 00:26:16,916 --> 00:26:17,916 - It's crazy, man. - What? 609 00:26:18,018 --> 00:26:19,786 They're honeypotting us. 610 00:26:19,787 --> 00:26:20,920 - What? - It's an attractive 611 00:26:20,921 --> 00:26:22,387 spy woman who lures men 612 00:26:22,388 --> 00:26:23,890 into doing shit they're not supposed to do. 613 00:26:23,891 --> 00:26:25,124 How can you not see that? 614 00:26:25,125 --> 00:26:27,860 - Because that is so sexist. - Is it? 615 00:26:27,861 --> 00:26:28,894 - This is 2014. - Dude... 616 00:26:28,895 --> 00:26:30,328 Women are smart now. 617 00:26:30,329 --> 00:26:32,198 Do you actually think she just so happens 618 00:26:32,199 --> 00:26:33,900 to have everything you find attractive? 619 00:26:34,100 --> 00:26:36,935 Bangs, giant tits, glasses? 620 00:26:36,936 --> 00:26:38,003 They're fake, man. 621 00:26:38,004 --> 00:26:39,404 Fake glasses? 622 00:26:39,405 --> 00:26:41,274 How could the CIA come up with such a thing? 623 00:26:41,275 --> 00:26:42,842 Well, that poor girl is blind as a bat. 624 00:26:43,042 --> 00:26:45,912 Okay, I'm just saying that when we're on Molly 625 00:26:45,913 --> 00:26:47,447 and when we're horned up might not be... 626 00:26:47,448 --> 00:26:48,448 - Horned up? - You are horned up. 627 00:26:48,449 --> 00:26:49,949 Oh, please! 628 00:26:49,950 --> 00:26:53,152 You got half a fucking chub right now! 629 00:26:53,153 --> 00:26:54,921 - Take your hands away. - Hmm-mm. 630 00:26:54,922 --> 00:26:56,422 - I saw the boner. - I'm not taking my hands away. 631 00:26:56,423 --> 00:26:57,757 Move your fucking hands. 632 00:26:57,957 --> 00:26:59,325 Fine, you want to see it? 633 00:26:59,326 --> 00:27:01,126 - Yeah. - Feast your eyes. 634 00:27:01,127 --> 00:27:02,194 Okay, here's what's gonna happen. 635 00:27:02,195 --> 00:27:03,496 I'm gonna poop out these drugs. 636 00:27:03,497 --> 00:27:04,797 You're gonna go jerk off these thoughts. 637 00:27:04,798 --> 00:27:06,432 If we both still want to talk 638 00:27:06,433 --> 00:27:08,868 about this afterwards, then we can, but not until then. 639 00:27:09,068 --> 00:27:12,406 Dave Skylark never backs down from a jerk-off. 640 00:27:14,406 --> 00:27:16,808 In three days, 641 00:27:16,809 --> 00:27:18,978 you will fly from New York to Beijing, 642 00:27:18,979 --> 00:27:21,346 where you will transfer to a commercial airline 643 00:27:21,347 --> 00:27:23,749 that takes you directly to Pyongyang. 644 00:27:23,750 --> 00:27:25,250 I'm sorry, this is completely unrelated, 645 00:27:25,251 --> 00:27:28,823 but, um, what happened to your glasses? 646 00:27:29,823 --> 00:27:32,924 Oh, I... I got LASIK. 647 00:27:32,925 --> 00:27:34,460 Between the time I saw you and now? 648 00:27:34,461 --> 00:27:36,962 - Yes. - Okay. 649 00:27:36,963 --> 00:27:38,898 Now, our intelligence suggests that you will be taken here, 650 00:27:39,098 --> 00:27:41,068 to Kim Jong-un's personal compound. 651 00:27:42,068 --> 00:27:44,403 So, preceding the interview, 652 00:27:44,404 --> 00:27:46,471 you are going to shake Kim's hand, 653 00:27:46,472 --> 00:27:49,941 administering a fatal dose of poison 654 00:27:49,942 --> 00:27:52,511 with this, a transdermal time-delayed 655 00:27:52,512 --> 00:27:53,512 ricin strip. 656 00:27:54,013 --> 00:27:55,480 When you shake his hand, 657 00:27:55,481 --> 00:27:58,851 the poison will be absorbed into his skin, 658 00:27:58,852 --> 00:28:01,854 where it metabolizes for a 12-hour period. 659 00:28:01,855 --> 00:28:04,856 Nobody will have any idea you two were involved. 660 00:28:04,857 --> 00:28:06,491 No one will know? 661 00:28:06,492 --> 00:28:10,896 The United States must maintain total and complete deniability. 662 00:28:10,897 --> 00:28:13,231 - Total deniability? - Obviously. 663 00:28:13,232 --> 00:28:14,967 - This isn't what I pictured. - What did you picture? 664 00:28:14,968 --> 00:28:16,868 I walk in there like a fucking gangster 665 00:28:16,869 --> 00:28:18,814 and blow his little fucking ass away 666 00:28:19,038 --> 00:28:20,373 on television. 667 00:28:20,374 --> 00:28:23,509 This is a major television event. 668 00:28:23,510 --> 00:28:26,211 You don't want to blow it with offscreen death. 669 00:28:26,212 --> 00:28:28,114 Okay? 670 00:28:28,115 --> 00:28:31,851 Look, in porno, we call this the money shot. 671 00:28:31,852 --> 00:28:33,819 You don't have a bunch of dudes going at it, 672 00:28:33,820 --> 00:28:36,521 and then right before they finish, you cut to black 673 00:28:36,522 --> 00:28:37,858 and say, "Oh, don't worry, 674 00:28:38,058 --> 00:28:40,125 12 hours later, they came all over each other." 675 00:28:40,126 --> 00:28:41,126 No! We want 676 00:28:42,029 --> 00:28:43,395 the all-over close-up. 677 00:28:43,396 --> 00:28:44,262 All over his face. 678 00:28:44,263 --> 00:28:46,598 The end! 679 00:28:46,599 --> 00:28:48,368 Ah... 680 00:28:49,368 --> 00:28:50,937 Bam! 681 00:28:50,938 --> 00:28:52,171 What kind of porn are you watching? 682 00:28:52,172 --> 00:28:53,538 What happens when all of his guards 683 00:28:53,539 --> 00:28:55,842 start firing back at you for killing their leader 684 00:28:55,843 --> 00:28:57,276 right in front of them? 685 00:28:57,277 --> 00:28:59,144 - That's a good question. - My bulletproof vest... 686 00:28:59,145 --> 00:29:01,346 No, you don't have a bulletproof vest. 687 00:29:01,347 --> 00:29:03,950 - You don't have one of those. - I will dodge those bullets. 688 00:29:03,951 --> 00:29:05,886 What happens after you escape the compound, Dave? 689 00:29:06,086 --> 00:29:07,452 I look back over my shoulder. 690 00:29:07,453 --> 00:29:09,355 I see Aaron. I grab him by the hand. 691 00:29:09,356 --> 00:29:10,957 We run out into the woods. 692 00:29:10,958 --> 00:29:13,925 Perhaps there's a secret tunnel there. 693 00:29:13,926 --> 00:29:15,428 We exit said tunnel. 694 00:29:15,429 --> 00:29:18,564 At a designated spot, SEAL Team Six 695 00:29:18,565 --> 00:29:20,033 swoops in, puts us on one 696 00:29:21,033 --> 00:29:23,903 of those inflatable motorboats, we hit the water, 697 00:29:23,904 --> 00:29:26,271 we're out of there, on our way to you. 698 00:29:26,272 --> 00:29:28,874 If you did try to do this, what would kill you first? 699 00:29:28,875 --> 00:29:29,941 Sub-freezing temperatures. 700 00:29:29,942 --> 00:29:31,309 I don't like the cold. 701 00:29:31,310 --> 00:29:34,113 - Okay, we... - Starvation, starve to death. 702 00:29:34,114 --> 00:29:35,914 You telling me the CIA doesn't have 703 00:29:35,915 --> 00:29:37,850 North Face jackets and some Pirate Booty? 704 00:29:38,050 --> 00:29:39,585 Cap'n Crunch? 705 00:29:39,586 --> 00:29:40,854 What about Siberian tigers? 706 00:29:41,054 --> 00:29:42,832 - Did you think about that? - What? 707 00:29:43,032 --> 00:29:44,489 You're not going to shoot him. 708 00:29:44,490 --> 00:29:45,958 There's not going to be a bulletproof vest, 709 00:29:45,959 --> 00:29:47,460 and nobody is going to know 710 00:29:47,461 --> 00:29:49,362 that you had anything to do with this. 711 00:29:49,363 --> 00:29:51,230 That's it, that's the plan. 712 00:29:51,231 --> 00:29:52,397 - Period. - Okay. 713 00:29:52,398 --> 00:29:53,999 Two years later, 714 00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:55,903 I come out with my bestselling tell-all. 715 00:29:56,103 --> 00:29:57,470 "An Unexpected Journey: 716 00:29:57,471 --> 00:30:00,605 Dave Skylark's Adventures in North Korea." 717 00:30:00,606 --> 00:30:02,240 You can't write a tell-all. 718 00:30:02,241 --> 00:30:03,810 "We were an oddly-shaped gray room 719 00:30:04,010 --> 00:30:05,978 "at the CIA headquarters. 720 00:30:05,979 --> 00:30:07,113 The titillating Agent Lacey..." 721 00:30:07,114 --> 00:30:08,346 Stop doing that. 722 00:30:08,347 --> 00:30:09,792 - Why? - There's no tell-all. 723 00:30:10,083 --> 00:30:12,351 "'There's no tell-all, ' Agent Lacey said. 724 00:30:12,352 --> 00:30:14,153 "She looked at him. 725 00:30:14,154 --> 00:30:17,556 She trembled with rage, or was it passion?" 726 00:30:17,557 --> 00:30:19,959 - Stop it. - I just want everybody to know 727 00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:22,260 that I know what you did to me 728 00:30:22,261 --> 00:30:24,329 - With the glasses? - What? 729 00:30:24,330 --> 00:30:26,531 - Honeycombed me. - What does that even mean? 730 00:30:26,532 --> 00:30:28,300 You honeypotted him. It's honeypot. 731 00:30:28,301 --> 00:30:30,021 - You honeypotted me. - You honeypotted him. 732 00:30:30,103 --> 00:30:31,938 - No, I didn't. -He's said a lot of stupid shit 733 00:30:31,939 --> 00:30:33,172 in the last ten minutes, but for reals, 734 00:30:33,173 --> 00:30:34,640 you did honeypot him. 735 00:30:34,641 --> 00:30:36,675 I bet you got him in here as a honey dick 736 00:30:36,676 --> 00:30:38,411 just in case I'm gay, but I'm not, 737 00:30:38,412 --> 00:30:40,246 but if I was, I would've seen him coming a mile away. 738 00:30:40,247 --> 00:30:42,647 - You honey dicking? -Look, she's not honeypotting you, 739 00:30:42,648 --> 00:30:44,650 - and I'm not honey dicking him. - It's very offensive, 740 00:30:44,651 --> 00:30:46,652 'cause basically if you think about what you're saying to me, 741 00:30:46,653 --> 00:30:48,120 you're saying because I'm a girl, 742 00:30:48,121 --> 00:30:49,989 and because I'm attractive, 743 00:30:49,990 --> 00:30:53,124 my only use for this agency would be to manipulate men. 744 00:30:53,125 --> 00:30:54,527 I think it's offensive, too. 745 00:30:54,528 --> 00:30:56,127 And that's exactly what I said to Aaron. 746 00:30:56,128 --> 00:30:57,830 I said that bitch is blind as a bat. 747 00:30:58,030 --> 00:30:59,531 Can we please move on? 748 00:30:59,532 --> 00:31:02,201 We have a dictator to kill. 749 00:31:02,202 --> 00:31:04,336 When handling the ricin strip, 750 00:31:04,337 --> 00:31:06,705 operate with extreme caution. 751 00:31:06,706 --> 00:31:09,607 Even momentary flesh contact with the exposed strip is fatal. 752 00:31:09,608 --> 00:31:12,678 The poison will lay dormant for 12 hours. 753 00:31:12,679 --> 00:31:14,747 After it passes the blood-brain barrier, 754 00:31:14,748 --> 00:31:17,482 your heart rate would shoot up to 160. 755 00:31:17,483 --> 00:31:19,451 Your body will strain to reject the poison 756 00:31:19,452 --> 00:31:21,687 by profusely sweating, defecating, vomiting. 757 00:31:21,688 --> 00:31:22,968 Within minutes, you will be dead. 758 00:31:23,022 --> 00:31:24,725 - Okay. - Got it? 759 00:31:26,725 --> 00:31:29,562 Aaron peels off the film marked A, 760 00:31:29,563 --> 00:31:32,297 exposing the adhesive coating. 761 00:31:32,298 --> 00:31:34,633 He then applies the strip to Dave's palm. 762 00:31:34,634 --> 00:31:37,336 - Okay... -Aaron will then remove the film marked B, 763 00:31:37,337 --> 00:31:39,337 exposing the ricin. 764 00:31:39,338 --> 00:31:40,373 - Clear. - Okay, clear. 765 00:31:40,374 --> 00:31:41,707 - Okay. - Okay. 766 00:31:41,708 --> 00:31:43,342 Dave needs to appear casual 767 00:31:43,343 --> 00:31:45,443 as he is transferred from his room 768 00:31:45,444 --> 00:31:47,413 - Okay. - To the broadcast facility. 769 00:31:47,414 --> 00:31:50,383 It is critical that he keeps his hand open 770 00:31:50,384 --> 00:31:51,617 and touches nothing. 771 00:31:53,420 --> 00:31:54,420 Dave Skylark. 772 00:31:55,055 --> 00:31:56,355 ...Mr. Kim... 773 00:31:56,356 --> 00:31:58,257 Just shaking hands. 774 00:31:58,258 --> 00:32:00,326 Hi. 775 00:32:00,327 --> 00:32:01,760 Nice to meet you. 776 00:32:01,761 --> 00:32:03,796 Dave will bow to Kim 777 00:32:03,797 --> 00:32:05,230 then shake his hand, 778 00:32:05,231 --> 00:32:07,266 immediately disposing of the strip 779 00:32:07,267 --> 00:32:09,602 in his jacket pocket, which will be lined 780 00:32:09,603 --> 00:32:13,790 with an absorbing agent that denatures the poison. 781 00:32:33,292 --> 00:32:34,292 ...Oh, no! 782 00:32:35,061 --> 00:32:36,429 Hey! Hey! 783 00:32:36,430 --> 00:32:37,762 Agent Lacey! 784 00:32:37,763 --> 00:32:39,531 - What's this mean? - You're dead. 785 00:32:39,532 --> 00:32:41,267 All right, Mr. Skylark, so you'll just place 786 00:32:41,268 --> 00:32:43,568 the ricin case in this pouch here. 787 00:32:43,569 --> 00:32:44,702 It will magnetically seal, 788 00:32:44,703 --> 00:32:46,404 and then you're good to go. 789 00:32:46,405 --> 00:32:48,183 So you want me to carry this bag? 790 00:32:49,076 --> 00:32:50,276 This is the bag. 791 00:32:50,277 --> 00:32:51,777 This is a douche bag. 792 00:32:51,778 --> 00:32:55,181 The watches conceal an array of tactical functions. 793 00:32:55,182 --> 00:32:58,116 It's how you stay in contact with me and the command center. 794 00:32:58,117 --> 00:32:59,518 - Aaron to Dave. - All radio communication 795 00:32:59,519 --> 00:33:01,519 should be done using call signs. 796 00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:02,788 - Cool. - Dave, 797 00:33:02,789 --> 00:33:04,256 you are "dung beetle," 798 00:33:04,257 --> 00:33:06,258 - What? - And Aaron, you are "aardvark." 799 00:33:06,259 --> 00:33:07,492 I can't even carry this thing! 800 00:33:07,493 --> 00:33:08,727 What do you mean you can't carry it? 801 00:33:08,728 --> 00:33:09,828 Aerodynamics are all off. 802 00:33:09,829 --> 00:33:10,729 It's hitting my leg. 803 00:33:10,730 --> 00:33:12,431 It's, like, bulky. 804 00:33:12,432 --> 00:33:15,500 Please remember, gentlemen, you are entering into 805 00:33:15,501 --> 00:33:19,137 the most dangerous and unpredictable country on Earth. 806 00:33:19,138 --> 00:33:21,707 Kim Jong-un is a master manipulator. 807 00:33:21,708 --> 00:33:24,576 His people revere him as a god. 808 00:33:24,577 --> 00:33:26,211 They'll believe anything 809 00:33:26,212 --> 00:33:30,348 he tells them, including that he can speak to dolphins 810 00:33:30,349 --> 00:33:32,351 or he doesn't urinate and defecate. 811 00:33:32,352 --> 00:33:33,818 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... 812 00:33:33,819 --> 00:33:36,154 You're telling me my man doesn't pee or poop? 813 00:33:36,155 --> 00:33:37,422 I'm telling you he does, and he lies 814 00:33:37,423 --> 00:33:38,423 to his people and they believe him. 815 00:33:38,424 --> 00:33:39,858 Everybody pees and poops. 816 00:33:39,859 --> 00:33:41,759 Where would it go otherwise? He'd explode. 817 00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:43,372 But he does talk to dolphins. 818 00:34:02,748 --> 00:34:04,782 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 819 00:34:04,783 --> 00:34:06,451 All right, how do I look? 820 00:34:06,452 --> 00:34:07,853 Fucking awesome? 821 00:34:07,854 --> 00:34:09,487 Yeah, actually, this is really, really nice. 822 00:34:09,488 --> 00:34:11,456 - Yeah. - And that just... 823 00:34:11,457 --> 00:34:13,458 What the fuck is this? 824 00:34:13,459 --> 00:34:14,860 - It's my bag. - It's wonderful. 825 00:34:14,861 --> 00:34:16,862 That's just not the bag the CIA gave you. 826 00:34:16,863 --> 00:34:18,329 Oh, that bag? 827 00:34:18,330 --> 00:34:19,664 Yes, that bag! 828 00:34:19,665 --> 00:34:21,832 That bag was Fugly with a capital "Fug." 829 00:34:22,032 --> 00:34:23,570 Well, it was also designed to conceal fucking poison 830 00:34:23,770 --> 00:34:24,904 that we're gonna smuggle into a foreign country. 831 00:34:25,104 --> 00:34:26,472 Kim is a super fan. 832 00:34:26,473 --> 00:34:28,273 He knows I take fashion risks. 833 00:34:28,274 --> 00:34:29,407 Look, I show up with that other bag, 834 00:34:29,408 --> 00:34:30,576 Kim's gonna be like, 835 00:34:30,577 --> 00:34:31,876 "Oh, no. 836 00:34:31,877 --> 00:34:33,778 "You got ugly bag? 837 00:34:33,779 --> 00:34:35,280 "You no Skylark, you secret agent. 838 00:34:35,281 --> 00:34:36,615 Terminate him." 839 00:34:36,616 --> 00:34:38,184 Where's the fucking poison strip? 840 00:34:38,185 --> 00:34:41,286 I put the strip in a pack of gum. 841 00:34:41,287 --> 00:34:42,755 They'll never find it. 842 00:34:42,756 --> 00:34:43,822 I am not cool with this. 843 00:34:43,823 --> 00:34:45,623 - It's showtime. - Showtime? 844 00:34:45,624 --> 00:34:47,358 It's not showtime. 845 00:34:47,359 --> 00:34:48,626 - What are you doing? Stop. - "Dave Skylark Tonight!" 846 00:34:48,627 --> 00:34:49,762 Stop walking! 847 00:34:49,763 --> 00:34:51,230 - Stop walking. - Hello. 848 00:34:51,231 --> 00:34:52,664 We are going to North Korea. 849 00:34:52,665 --> 00:34:53,932 Yo, Skylark, which side 850 00:34:53,933 --> 00:34:55,634 of President Kim's ass you gonna kiss? 851 00:34:55,635 --> 00:34:57,635 I'm not gonna kiss him, but let's just say 852 00:34:57,636 --> 00:34:59,804 I might give him something special with my hand. 853 00:34:59,805 --> 00:35:01,373 You gonna jerk him off? 854 00:35:01,374 --> 00:35:02,907 What? No. That's a double entendre. 855 00:35:02,908 --> 00:35:04,376 Shut the fuck... Shut up! 856 00:35:04,377 --> 00:35:05,443 - I'm foreshadowing! - Shut up! 857 00:35:05,444 --> 00:35:06,811 Shut up! Get in the fucking car! 858 00:35:06,812 --> 00:35:08,780 Shut up! Shut up! 859 00:35:08,781 --> 00:35:11,587 Why would you say that? Why would you say that? 860 00:35:17,323 --> 00:35:18,546 All right, here we go. 861 00:35:20,426 --> 00:35:21,927 What's that noise? 862 00:35:21,928 --> 00:35:23,461 - I don't know. - Do you hear that? 863 00:35:23,462 --> 00:35:24,698 Yeah. 864 00:35:34,540 --> 00:35:35,774 Wow. 865 00:35:36,875 --> 00:35:38,345 This is crazy. 866 00:35:39,345 --> 00:35:42,280 - Hello, North Korea! - Wow. 867 00:35:42,281 --> 00:35:43,382 - This is crazy. 868 00:35:43,383 --> 00:35:44,849 Okay, okay. 869 00:35:44,850 --> 00:35:46,719 - North side! - Okay. 870 00:35:46,720 --> 00:35:50,422 Hi. Sorry about... what he's doing. 871 00:35:50,423 --> 00:35:52,557 Hello! Wow... 872 00:35:52,558 --> 00:35:54,229 I like your style. 873 00:35:56,229 --> 00:35:58,297 Good to see you again. How are you? 874 00:35:58,298 --> 00:35:59,731 - Hi. - Hello. 875 00:35:59,732 --> 00:36:01,333 - Hello. - This is great. 876 00:36:01,334 --> 00:36:03,702 Uh, Dave, this is, uh, Sook-yin Park. 877 00:36:03,703 --> 00:36:05,003 - Sook? The Sook? - Yes, yes. 878 00:36:05,004 --> 00:36:06,572 That you won't stop talking about? 879 00:36:06,573 --> 00:36:08,890 That's not true. 880 00:36:24,890 --> 00:36:26,858 We are different people. 881 00:36:26,859 --> 00:36:28,471 We speak different languages. 882 00:36:29,062 --> 00:36:30,896 Huh? 883 00:36:30,897 --> 00:36:33,532 We have different faces, 884 00:36:33,533 --> 00:36:36,367 but inside 885 00:36:36,368 --> 00:36:38,804 we are same-same. 886 00:36:38,805 --> 00:36:41,773 Same-same, but different. 887 00:36:41,774 --> 00:36:43,776 But still same. 888 00:36:45,011 --> 00:36:46,478 Oh, thank you. 889 00:36:46,479 --> 00:36:47,479 Konichiwa. 890 00:36:48,048 --> 00:36:50,615 You know, I'm very, 891 00:36:50,616 --> 00:36:53,385 very interested in the history of your young nation. 892 00:36:53,386 --> 00:36:54,820 I hear that 893 00:36:54,821 --> 00:36:57,456 absolutely everyone here is-is starving to death. 894 00:36:57,457 --> 00:36:58,856 No. 895 00:36:58,857 --> 00:37:00,026 It's quite all right. 896 00:37:00,906 --> 00:37:02,628 This is a common misconception. 897 00:37:02,629 --> 00:37:04,929 Oh, okay. 898 00:37:04,930 --> 00:37:05,930 See for yourself. 899 00:37:09,067 --> 00:37:10,969 Oh, wow! It's a grocery store. 900 00:37:10,970 --> 00:37:12,771 Looks like the Whole Foods around the corner from my place. 901 00:37:12,772 --> 00:37:15,840 Yep, guess no one's hungry here after all. 902 00:37:15,841 --> 00:37:18,110 We have an abundance of food here. 903 00:37:18,111 --> 00:37:19,871 And speak of the devil, look at that fat kid! 904 00:37:20,046 --> 00:37:21,847 Hi, little fatty! 905 00:37:21,848 --> 00:37:23,049 Hi. Mm-mm! 906 00:37:24,049 --> 00:37:27,786 We have many fat children in North Korea. 907 00:37:27,787 --> 00:37:28,853 The Supreme Leader 908 00:37:28,854 --> 00:37:30,389 believes it is a hallmark 909 00:37:30,390 --> 00:37:32,123 of prosperity and self-sufficiency. 910 00:37:32,124 --> 00:37:33,958 I don't know about all that, 911 00:37:33,959 --> 00:37:35,927 but this one is one that I heard. 912 00:37:35,928 --> 00:37:37,795 I heard he doesn't pee or poo. 913 00:37:37,796 --> 00:37:41,499 He works so hard, he burns the energy from inside. 914 00:37:41,500 --> 00:37:43,735 You-You're telling me my man doesn't have to take a poo? 915 00:37:43,736 --> 00:37:44,871 Does-does he have a butthole? 916 00:37:45,071 --> 00:37:47,005 He does not have a butthole. 917 00:37:47,006 --> 00:37:48,787 He has no need for one. 918 00:38:25,877 --> 00:38:27,013 Whoa! 919 00:38:28,013 --> 00:38:29,748 Ho-ho! Damn, son! 920 00:38:29,749 --> 00:38:30,916 Damn... 921 00:38:30,917 --> 00:38:32,622 Right this way. 922 00:38:37,622 --> 00:38:39,571 I get it. Fucking stop it. 923 00:38:53,571 --> 00:38:56,775 These are Officers Koh and Yu. 924 00:38:56,776 --> 00:38:57,976 They are the heads of 925 00:38:57,977 --> 00:39:00,089 our Supreme Leader's personal security. 926 00:39:00,759 --> 00:39:03,481 They have been with him since he was a little boy. 927 00:39:03,482 --> 00:39:04,851 They will search you one last time 928 00:39:05,051 --> 00:39:07,490 before entering our Supreme Leader's home. 929 00:39:11,490 --> 00:39:12,490 Just a Gucci bag. 930 00:39:21,100 --> 00:39:23,168 What's this? 931 00:39:23,169 --> 00:39:25,170 Uh... 932 00:39:25,171 --> 00:39:26,170 gum. 933 00:39:26,171 --> 00:39:27,711 That is gum. 934 00:39:32,711 --> 00:39:34,211 ...Oh, you fucking tried it? 935 00:39:35,013 --> 00:39:36,949 This gun has no flavor. 936 00:39:36,950 --> 00:39:38,817 - If you don't like it, just spit it out. - Just spit it out. 937 00:39:39,017 --> 00:39:41,587 We wouldn't be insulted if you just spat it out. 938 00:39:41,787 --> 00:39:43,255 Your gum taste like shit. 939 00:39:43,256 --> 00:39:45,657 - Okay. 940 00:39:45,658 --> 00:39:48,047 You may now enter the Supreme Leader's home. 941 00:39:53,966 --> 00:39:55,266 This room 942 00:39:55,267 --> 00:39:57,269 - for Mr. Skylark. - Cool. 943 00:39:57,270 --> 00:39:59,240 Thanks. 944 00:40:01,240 --> 00:40:03,208 This room for Mr. Rapoport. 945 00:40:03,209 --> 00:40:04,610 Ooh, lovely. 946 00:40:04,611 --> 00:40:05,943 - Thank you. Quaint. - Cute. 947 00:40:05,944 --> 00:40:06,864 ...You know, I'm tired. 948 00:40:07,046 --> 00:40:08,813 How are you feeling? 949 00:40:08,814 --> 00:40:10,681 - We go now. - Okay. 950 00:40:10,682 --> 00:40:12,550 Dude, what the fuck? 951 00:40:12,551 --> 00:40:14,253 Hey, uh, you know, 952 00:40:14,254 --> 00:40:15,822 - how's your tummy feeling? - You should have some Tums. 953 00:40:16,022 --> 00:40:16,889 Maybe you should have some tea. 954 00:40:17,089 --> 00:40:18,222 Fuck. 955 00:40:18,223 --> 00:40:19,224 - Shh. - Shh. 956 00:40:19,225 --> 00:40:20,726 They could be recording. 957 00:40:20,727 --> 00:40:22,994 - Oh, the thing. - The thing, all right, go. 958 00:40:22,995 --> 00:40:24,862 - Oh, uh... - Lovely room. 959 00:40:24,863 --> 00:40:26,664 - Yeah. - Oh, yes. 960 00:40:26,665 --> 00:40:27,833 Lovely. I'm gonna go take a shower now. 961 00:40:28,033 --> 00:40:30,001 Okay, I'll take one with you. 962 00:40:30,002 --> 00:40:31,637 Why would you take one with me? 963 00:40:31,638 --> 00:40:32,670 I'm just making up fake conversation. 964 00:40:32,671 --> 00:40:34,060 Shut up. Shut the fuck up. 965 00:40:35,174 --> 00:40:38,277 What... the... fuck... dude? 966 00:40:38,278 --> 00:40:40,080 He ate it. He fucking ate it. 967 00:40:40,680 --> 00:40:42,780 - You're not even supposed to touch it. - And he ate it. 968 00:40:42,781 --> 00:40:45,284 - Chewing. Chewing it! - Shit! Fuck. 969 00:40:45,285 --> 00:40:46,918 Shit, he's gonna die. 970 00:40:46,919 --> 00:40:48,619 Look, look, look, look... 971 00:40:48,620 --> 00:40:51,123 He's probably, like, Kim's trigger man, okay? 972 00:40:51,124 --> 00:40:52,858 He's probably killed, like, tons of people. 973 00:40:52,859 --> 00:40:54,259 He's probably worse than Kim, 974 00:40:54,260 --> 00:40:56,128 and we're okay with killing Kim, right? 975 00:40:56,129 --> 00:40:57,762 Yeah. 976 00:40:57,763 --> 00:40:59,597 How the fuck are we gonna do that, by the way? 977 00:40:59,598 --> 00:41:00,865 We don't have any poison anymore. 978 00:41:00,866 --> 00:41:02,701 What happened to it? 979 00:41:02,702 --> 00:41:04,135 - Somebody ate it. - Someone ate it? 980 00:41:04,136 --> 00:41:06,170 Why the fuck did you switch bags? 981 00:41:06,171 --> 00:41:08,005 - Yeah, Dave! - All right, all right! 982 00:41:08,006 --> 00:41:10,175 I shouldn't have switched the bags. I'm sorry. 983 00:41:10,176 --> 00:41:11,777 - I told you. - Listen, just sit tight. 984 00:41:11,778 --> 00:41:13,311 I am going to contact you. 985 00:41:13,312 --> 00:41:15,213 Do not fall asleep. 986 00:41:15,214 --> 00:41:17,282 I'm gonna figure out a way to fix this. 987 00:41:17,283 --> 00:41:18,816 Thanks. Why'd you tell her? 988 00:41:18,817 --> 00:41:19,819 Tell her what? Because it's the truth. 989 00:41:20,019 --> 00:41:20,887 Why'd you tell her that he ate it? 990 00:41:21,087 --> 00:41:22,286 Because he did! 991 00:41:22,287 --> 00:41:25,657 Dude, that was a cock block. 992 00:41:25,658 --> 00:41:28,214 Get me Major Franks at the Osan Air Force Base. 993 00:41:53,953 --> 00:41:57,591 ETA to launch zone, 20 minutes. 994 00:41:59,591 --> 00:42:01,360 We have a bird en route. 995 00:42:01,361 --> 00:42:04,262 It will be within range of you in 15 minutes. 996 00:42:04,263 --> 00:42:05,664 Aardvark, 997 00:42:05,665 --> 00:42:07,766 your watch will transmit the coordinates 998 00:42:07,767 --> 00:42:09,266 to guide in the package. 999 00:42:09,267 --> 00:42:11,737 You need to get outside to a place with no tree cover 1000 00:42:11,738 --> 00:42:12,804 where you can't be detected. 1001 00:42:12,805 --> 00:42:14,271 Okay? 1002 00:42:14,272 --> 00:42:15,875 What-what-what...? Lacey, why do I have to do it? 1003 00:42:16,075 --> 00:42:17,342 Why you? 1004 00:42:17,343 --> 00:42:19,177 Because if Dung Beetle gets caught 1005 00:42:19,178 --> 00:42:21,679 or killed, then we don't have a mission anymore, do we? 1006 00:42:21,680 --> 00:42:23,414 You really think I could get caught or killed? 1007 00:42:23,415 --> 00:42:26,184 Hey, put on your darkest clothes and get outside now 1008 00:42:26,185 --> 00:42:27,719 and make sure that you are 1009 00:42:27,720 --> 00:42:29,943 at least 20 yards away from the building. 1010 00:42:32,857 --> 00:42:34,330 Approaching launch zone. 1011 00:42:40,700 --> 00:42:41,700 You ready? 1012 00:42:42,035 --> 00:42:43,434 I think so. 1013 00:42:43,435 --> 00:42:45,137 I'm a little nervous, but I'm feeling okay. 1014 00:42:45,138 --> 00:42:46,972 - Okay, okay. - I think I can do it. 1015 00:42:48,707 --> 00:42:50,775 - What are you doing? - I'm gonna cherish 1016 00:42:50,776 --> 00:42:52,711 - all the memories we have. - Don't do this! 1017 00:42:52,712 --> 00:42:54,445 - What? -Talk to me like I'm about to die, okay? 1018 00:42:54,446 --> 00:42:56,447 - I'm gonna be fine! - All right. I know. 1019 00:42:56,448 --> 00:42:58,249 I'm trying to psych myself up here; you're bringing me down. 1020 00:42:58,250 --> 00:43:00,751 I will love your mother like she was my mother. 1021 00:43:00,752 --> 00:43:02,119 - Just shut up. Shut up. - Okay. 1022 00:43:02,120 --> 00:43:03,290 Shh. 1023 00:43:06,290 --> 00:43:08,293 It's really scary out there. 1024 00:43:08,294 --> 00:43:09,860 Yeah, super-duper scary. 1025 00:43:09,861 --> 00:43:11,396 - Be careful. - Okay, good. You got me? 1026 00:43:11,397 --> 00:43:13,231 - I got you. I will not drop you. - Okay. 1027 00:43:13,232 --> 00:43:14,465 - Yeah, just don't drop me. - I got you. 1028 00:43:14,466 --> 00:43:16,002 - I got... Oh! 1029 00:43:18,738 --> 00:43:20,406 Aardvark, are you all right? 1030 00:43:22,174 --> 00:43:23,875 I'm fine. Shut the fuck up. 1031 00:43:25,278 --> 00:43:27,080 Aardvark is hot. 1032 00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:31,149 I repeat: Aardvark is H-O-T hot. 1033 00:43:41,325 --> 00:43:43,161 - This is so scary. - Aardvark? 1034 00:43:43,162 --> 00:43:44,929 You're being extremely brave. 1035 00:43:44,930 --> 00:43:47,199 Everybody here is very proud of you. 1036 00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:49,501 - My tummy's all scraped up and wet. - Aardvark, 1037 00:43:49,502 --> 00:43:51,469 I'm gonna rub your tummy when you get back, don't worry. 1038 00:43:51,470 --> 00:43:53,170 Just a few more feet, okay? 1039 00:43:53,171 --> 00:43:55,273 Just five to ten more feet. 1040 00:43:55,274 --> 00:43:56,507 I got to keep going? 1041 00:43:56,508 --> 00:43:57,909 I don't want to keep going. 1042 00:43:57,910 --> 00:43:59,443 Fuck. 1043 00:43:59,444 --> 00:44:04,248 Package will deploy in three, two, one, boom. 1044 00:44:04,249 --> 00:44:06,818 Package is inbound. 1045 00:44:06,819 --> 00:44:08,354 Arrival time, two minutes. 1046 00:44:10,354 --> 00:44:11,889 Just five more feet. 1047 00:44:11,890 --> 00:44:13,925 Five more feet, and you're on your mark. 1048 00:44:13,926 --> 00:44:15,293 Hey, hey, 1049 00:44:15,294 --> 00:44:17,195 hey, don't move. 1050 00:44:17,196 --> 00:44:19,231 I think I see something. 1051 00:44:19,232 --> 00:44:21,465 - Huh? - There's something out there. 1052 00:44:21,466 --> 00:44:23,367 What do you mean, there's something out there? 1053 00:44:23,368 --> 00:44:25,137 What is it? Can you zoom in on that? 1054 00:44:25,138 --> 00:44:26,838 What do I do? 1055 00:44:26,839 --> 00:44:28,539 Comm One, are you seeing this? 1056 00:44:28,540 --> 00:44:29,507 Zoom in one that thing. 1057 00:44:29,508 --> 00:44:31,409 What is that? 1058 00:44:31,410 --> 00:44:33,211 There's something crawling towards Aardvark. 1059 00:44:33,212 --> 00:44:35,280 What the fuck? What is it? Talk to me. 1060 00:44:35,281 --> 00:44:38,315 I'm seeing four legs connected to one body. 1061 00:44:38,316 --> 00:44:40,552 What the fuck are you seeing? I'm not seeing anything. 1062 00:44:40,553 --> 00:44:42,353 Dog, big dog. 1063 00:44:42,354 --> 00:44:44,956 - Big dog? - It's like Clifford size. 1064 00:44:44,957 --> 00:44:46,958 We're talking Falkor in "The Neverending Story." 1065 00:44:46,959 --> 00:44:48,226 It's like a dragon dog. 1066 00:44:48,227 --> 00:44:49,427 This is like a dragon dog. 1067 00:44:49,428 --> 00:44:51,098 Is that a fucking... 1068 00:44:51,698 --> 00:44:53,398 Guys, what am I looking for? I don't know... 1069 00:44:53,399 --> 00:44:54,455 It's like a big dog 1070 00:44:55,033 --> 00:44:56,268 that's orange. 1071 00:44:56,269 --> 00:44:57,836 ...It's got stripes. 1072 00:44:57,837 --> 00:45:00,238 It's like a big, orange, stripey dog. 1073 00:45:05,077 --> 00:45:07,112 There's a tiger. 1074 00:45:07,113 --> 00:45:08,512 It's a fucking tiger. 1075 00:45:08,513 --> 00:45:09,981 It's a fucking tiger. 1076 00:45:09,982 --> 00:45:11,148 Yes. 1077 00:45:11,149 --> 00:45:12,583 A tiger. 1078 00:45:12,584 --> 00:45:15,119 You fucking led my friend into a tiger patch? 1079 00:45:15,120 --> 00:45:16,320 I told you there were tigers there. 1080 00:45:16,321 --> 00:45:18,123 Guys, I'm very unhappy right now. 1081 00:45:18,124 --> 00:45:19,123 Look, it's really dark out there. 1082 00:45:19,124 --> 00:45:20,358 He probably doesn't see you. 1083 00:45:20,359 --> 00:45:22,894 - Oh, it fucking sees me. 1084 00:45:22,895 --> 00:45:25,463 - It ha... it has night vision. - They have night vision? 1085 00:45:25,464 --> 00:45:27,431 That tiger has night vision goggles? 1086 00:45:27,432 --> 00:45:28,872 It doesn't have night vision goggles. 1087 00:45:29,035 --> 00:45:30,969 It just naturally has night... 1088 00:45:30,970 --> 00:45:32,369 ...Listen, just keep the line clear, 1089 00:45:32,370 --> 00:45:33,538 Dung Beetle, please? 1090 00:45:33,539 --> 00:45:35,373 Aardvark is in trouble. 1091 00:45:35,374 --> 00:45:37,007 What do I do? What do I do? 1092 00:45:37,008 --> 00:45:38,409 Talk to me, talk to me. 1093 00:45:38,410 --> 00:45:39,846 I didn't want it to come to this, 1094 00:45:40,046 --> 00:45:41,278 but you're gonna have to fight that tiger. 1095 00:45:41,279 --> 00:45:43,380 No, do not! Do not fight the tiger! 1096 00:45:43,381 --> 00:45:45,884 Do not be a gentleman, you go right for the fucking balls. 1097 00:45:45,885 --> 00:45:47,284 I don't see its balls. 1098 00:45:47,285 --> 00:45:48,987 Do not fight the tiger! You will lose! 1099 00:45:48,988 --> 00:45:51,289 If that's a girl tiger, you got to cunt punt that bitch. 1100 00:45:51,290 --> 00:45:53,458 - Dave, shut the fuck up. - Cunt punt that fucking bitch! 1101 00:45:53,459 --> 00:45:55,293 Please tell me you know that that's a stupid idea. 1102 00:45:55,294 --> 00:45:57,683 Please, please don't try to fight the tiger. 1103 00:45:59,611 --> 00:46:01,166 I'm gonna make a run for it. 1104 00:46:01,167 --> 00:46:02,233 Do not run for it! 1105 00:46:02,234 --> 00:46:03,235 You will die. 1106 00:46:03,236 --> 00:46:04,903 It's coming. 1107 00:46:05,695 --> 00:46:07,472 You go, go, go, buddy! Go, buddy! 1108 00:46:07,473 --> 00:46:08,907 Look out, look out! It's coming after you! 1109 00:46:08,908 --> 00:46:10,131 It's coming after you! 1110 00:46:22,486 --> 00:46:24,588 - Oh, God, I'm alive. - Aaron! 1111 00:46:24,589 --> 00:46:26,590 - I'm alive. 1112 00:46:26,591 --> 00:46:27,925 Are you in the tiger, Aardvark? 1113 00:46:27,926 --> 00:46:29,193 Are you inside the tiger? 1114 00:46:29,194 --> 00:46:30,195 Are you okay? 1115 00:46:30,196 --> 00:46:31,429 Do you have the package? 1116 00:46:31,430 --> 00:46:33,066 This is Aardvark. 1117 00:46:33,666 --> 00:46:35,835 I think the package just killed the fucking tiger. 1118 00:46:36,035 --> 00:46:38,313 Fantastic. You have to secure the package. 1119 00:46:39,071 --> 00:46:40,849 Secure the motherfucking package. 1120 00:46:46,544 --> 00:46:48,980 He's got the package. He has the package. 1121 00:46:48,981 --> 00:46:50,382 I got it; what do I do with it? 1122 00:46:50,383 --> 00:46:51,516 Aardvark, there are people coming. 1123 00:46:51,517 --> 00:46:52,629 You have to act now. 1124 00:46:52,829 --> 00:46:54,686 Secure the package, secure the package. 1125 00:46:54,687 --> 00:46:56,420 - What do I do with it? -They're coming right towards you. 1126 00:46:56,421 --> 00:46:57,621 They're gonna see it, they're gonna see it. 1127 00:46:57,622 --> 00:46:58,657 You got to hide that little missile. 1128 00:46:58,658 --> 00:46:59,826 I have to hide it somewhere? 1129 00:47:00,026 --> 00:47:01,582 Where the fuck do I hide it? 1130 00:47:02,528 --> 00:47:05,332 What do I do with it? What do I do with it? 1131 00:47:08,332 --> 00:47:10,110 What if you hide it in your butt? 1132 00:47:12,037 --> 00:47:14,639 I don't want to stick it in my ass. 1133 00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:16,407 You got to put it in your butt, Aardvark. 1134 00:47:16,408 --> 00:47:17,474 Comm One, please tell me I don't have 1135 00:47:17,475 --> 00:47:18,543 to stick this think in my ass. 1136 00:47:18,544 --> 00:47:19,878 Okay, you're right. Just give us 1137 00:47:20,078 --> 00:47:21,545 one second to come up with a better plan. 1138 00:47:21,546 --> 00:47:23,981 Isn't there anywhere else I could secure it? 1139 00:47:23,982 --> 00:47:25,983 I think he should put it in his asshole. 1140 00:47:25,984 --> 00:47:27,284 We don't have a better plan. You're going to have 1141 00:47:27,285 --> 00:47:28,420 to stick it in your ass. 1142 00:47:28,421 --> 00:47:30,387 No! No! 1143 00:47:30,388 --> 00:47:31,655 No! 1144 00:47:31,656 --> 00:47:33,590 I've never done that. 1145 00:47:33,591 --> 00:47:35,193 I've been there before. It looks huge. 1146 00:47:35,194 --> 00:47:37,728 That tiger blood will lubricate it. 1147 00:47:37,729 --> 00:47:39,396 This will mess up my asshole! 1148 00:47:39,397 --> 00:47:41,532 Aardvark, there-there are people there. 1149 00:47:41,533 --> 00:47:42,902 They are closing in on you. 1150 00:47:43,102 --> 00:47:44,202 They have guns. 1151 00:47:44,203 --> 00:47:46,538 You need to secure the payload 1152 00:47:46,539 --> 00:47:48,005 and you need to secure it in your ass. 1153 00:47:48,006 --> 00:47:49,007 Just stick it in your butt. 1154 00:47:49,008 --> 00:47:50,407 Okay, fine, fine. 1155 00:47:50,408 --> 00:47:51,742 I'm there with you, bro. 1156 00:47:51,942 --> 00:47:53,880 Just listen to the soothing tones of my voice. 1157 00:47:54,080 --> 00:47:55,179 Just breathe. 1158 00:47:55,180 --> 00:47:56,447 Oh, it's cold. 1159 00:47:56,448 --> 00:47:57,748 Just let everything go loose. 1160 00:47:57,749 --> 00:47:58,682 Oh, I don't like it! 1161 00:47:58,683 --> 00:48:00,452 The tip is... 1162 00:48:00,453 --> 00:48:01,565 it's the worst part. 1163 00:48:02,053 --> 00:48:03,420 Trust me on this. 1164 00:48:03,421 --> 00:48:04,689 - Inhale as you do it. 1165 00:48:07,449 --> 00:48:09,226 The tip of the package is secure. 1166 00:48:09,227 --> 00:48:10,862 Comm One, that thing is in his butt. 1167 00:48:11,062 --> 00:48:13,164 Owie, owie. 1168 00:48:13,165 --> 00:48:15,300 You are almost in the end zone, Aardvark. 1169 00:48:15,301 --> 00:48:16,468 Just take it home. 1170 00:48:24,542 --> 00:48:26,311 The package is secure. 1171 00:48:26,312 --> 00:48:27,545 You are a hero. 1172 00:48:27,546 --> 00:48:29,347 You are a goddamn hero. 1173 00:48:29,348 --> 00:48:30,481 ...All right, they're coming, they're coming. 1174 00:48:30,482 --> 00:48:32,350 I got to go. Over and out. 1175 00:48:34,153 --> 00:48:35,619 Hi! Aah! Don't shoot me. 1176 00:48:35,620 --> 00:48:36,620 Oh, God! 1177 00:48:46,365 --> 00:48:48,267 Don't hurt me, please! 1178 00:48:48,867 --> 00:48:50,367 See? There's nothing in here. 1179 00:48:50,368 --> 00:48:51,402 There's nothing in here. 1180 00:48:51,403 --> 00:48:53,505 What? 1181 00:48:53,506 --> 00:48:54,806 Oh, God, no! 1182 00:48:54,807 --> 00:48:57,242 Ow! 1183 00:48:57,243 --> 00:48:58,409 Come on! 1184 00:48:58,410 --> 00:48:59,610 What the fuck? 1185 00:48:59,611 --> 00:49:01,746 Why? Why'd you do that? 1186 00:49:01,747 --> 00:49:02,780 Why'd you do that?! 1187 00:49:02,781 --> 00:49:04,349 Is this what you want? 1188 00:49:04,350 --> 00:49:06,117 There! You like it?! 1189 00:49:06,118 --> 00:49:07,684 You like it?! 1190 00:49:07,685 --> 00:49:10,220 It's all yours, fuckers! 1191 00:49:10,221 --> 00:49:11,721 Stay in the room, American. 1192 00:49:19,731 --> 00:49:22,231 Hey, they're gone. Did they look in your butt? 1193 00:49:22,702 --> 00:49:25,235 - No, they didn't look in my butt. - It's still in there? 1194 00:49:25,236 --> 00:49:27,204 - Yes, it's in there. - Wow. Must be deep. 1195 00:49:27,205 --> 00:49:29,240 - It is. - Get it out. 1196 00:49:29,241 --> 00:49:30,708 I'm gonna fucking get it out. 1197 00:49:30,709 --> 00:49:32,294 I'm here to help. 1198 00:49:50,294 --> 00:49:52,230 ...Hey. 1199 00:49:52,231 --> 00:49:54,532 - How'd it go? -One ricin strip with your name on it. 1200 00:49:54,533 --> 00:49:55,632 Got it. 1201 00:49:55,633 --> 00:49:57,869 All right. 1202 00:49:57,870 --> 00:49:59,237 See, not so bad. 1203 00:49:59,238 --> 00:50:00,804 Yeah, not so bad. 1204 00:50:00,805 --> 00:50:02,273 - What?! - Yeah. 1205 00:50:02,274 --> 00:50:03,407 - That? - This. 1206 00:50:03,408 --> 00:50:04,576 - In your bu...? - Asshole. 1207 00:50:04,577 --> 00:50:06,577 - No! - Yes. 1208 00:50:06,578 --> 00:50:07,579 I was picturing something, like, this big. 1209 00:50:07,580 --> 00:50:08,746 Yeah, that I could live with. 1210 00:50:08,747 --> 00:50:10,280 As soon as you get home, 1211 00:50:10,281 --> 00:50:11,349 you need to see a proctologist. 1212 00:50:11,350 --> 00:50:12,483 I'm afraid to fucking look. 1213 00:50:12,484 --> 00:50:14,453 You got fucked by RoboCop, dude. 1214 00:50:16,455 --> 00:50:18,889 Uh, who is it? 1215 00:50:18,890 --> 00:50:20,724 It is, uh, Kim Jong-un. 1216 00:50:20,725 --> 00:50:22,260 What? 1217 00:50:22,261 --> 00:50:25,429 Kim Jong-what? 1218 00:50:25,430 --> 00:50:28,266 I am the Supreme Leader of, uh, North Korea. 1219 00:50:28,267 --> 00:50:29,467 What? 1220 00:50:29,468 --> 00:50:30,768 What the fuck? 1221 00:50:30,769 --> 00:50:32,170 - It's him. - It's fucking him. 1222 00:50:32,171 --> 00:50:33,338 What is he doing here? What the fuck? 1223 00:50:33,339 --> 00:50:34,438 Hide it, hide it, hide it. 1224 00:50:34,439 --> 00:50:35,440 - Put it back up. - No. 1225 00:50:35,441 --> 00:50:36,608 I'm not putting it back up. 1226 00:50:36,609 --> 00:50:38,275 No, I'm gonna hide it in my room. 1227 00:50:38,276 --> 00:50:39,577 - Okay. What do I do with this? - Go say hi to him. 1228 00:50:39,578 --> 00:50:40,543 Do I put it on right now? 1229 00:50:40,544 --> 00:50:42,280 No, then he'll die when we're still here. 1230 00:50:42,281 --> 00:50:43,347 ...Put it in your pocket. 1231 00:50:43,348 --> 00:50:44,581 - Okay, fine. - Okay, fine. 1232 00:50:44,582 --> 00:50:46,384 - Come with me. - No, I got to hide this. 1233 00:50:46,385 --> 00:50:48,219 - Aaron, just come with me. - No, no... 1234 00:50:48,220 --> 00:50:50,528 Aaron, Aaron. 1235 00:50:57,528 --> 00:50:59,864 Hi. 1236 00:50:59,865 --> 00:51:02,233 Good morning, Dave. 1237 00:51:02,234 --> 00:51:03,635 Good morning. 1238 00:51:03,636 --> 00:51:05,469 Hi. 1239 00:51:05,470 --> 00:51:07,639 Dave Skylark, ah. 1240 00:51:07,640 --> 00:51:09,241 It's crazy. 1241 00:51:10,875 --> 00:51:12,409 Oh, I have a gift for you. 1242 00:51:12,410 --> 00:51:13,410 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 1243 00:51:14,379 --> 00:51:16,213 This. 1244 00:51:16,214 --> 00:51:18,282 Oh, oh, this is me. 1245 00:51:18,283 --> 00:51:19,349 It's you. 1246 00:51:19,350 --> 00:51:20,717 Oh, that's great. 1247 00:51:20,718 --> 00:51:23,353 I always wanted one of these... a bust. 1248 00:51:23,354 --> 00:51:24,789 Dave Skylark. 1249 00:51:24,790 --> 00:51:25,889 Hey! 1250 00:51:25,890 --> 00:51:27,425 - Thank you. - You like that? 1251 00:51:27,426 --> 00:51:28,893 So you really like the show? 1252 00:51:28,894 --> 00:51:30,894 No, I might not show it, but I'm freaking out. 1253 00:51:30,895 --> 00:51:32,262 You're like a superfan. 1254 00:51:32,263 --> 00:51:33,831 I really am. 1255 00:51:33,832 --> 00:51:35,233 Yeah. 1256 00:51:35,234 --> 00:51:36,800 That's so cool. 1257 00:51:36,801 --> 00:51:39,237 Don't say something stupid, Kim. 1258 00:51:39,238 --> 00:51:41,806 Okay, so I, uh, 1259 00:51:41,807 --> 00:51:45,242 thought you might enjoy, uh, breakfast 1260 00:51:45,243 --> 00:51:46,844 and a tour of my home. 1261 00:51:46,845 --> 00:51:48,281 I'd absolutely love to. 1262 00:51:50,281 --> 00:51:53,416 You know, I have to admit, before I came here, 1263 00:51:53,417 --> 00:51:55,652 I thought this place was gonna be a dump. 1264 00:51:55,653 --> 00:51:57,322 Of course. 1265 00:51:57,323 --> 00:51:59,690 For decades, you've heard the false rumors: 1266 00:51:59,691 --> 00:52:01,693 "North Korea is a failed state. 1267 00:52:01,694 --> 00:52:03,728 We can't feed our people." 1268 00:52:03,729 --> 00:52:05,563 - Yeah. - It's all propaganda. 1269 00:52:05,564 --> 00:52:07,532 I see. Well, yeah, I mean... 1270 00:52:07,533 --> 00:52:09,400 I did see a fat kid 1271 00:52:09,401 --> 00:52:11,436 and a really nice-looking grocery store. 1272 00:52:11,437 --> 00:52:14,572 Oh, we have beautiful grocery stores here in North Korea. 1273 00:52:14,573 --> 00:52:16,574 You know, one of my favorite things to do 1274 00:52:16,575 --> 00:52:18,876 is just strolling up and down the aisles 1275 00:52:18,877 --> 00:52:21,411 to see the-the beautiful fruits of my country's land. 1276 00:52:21,412 --> 00:52:22,847 I can believe that. 1277 00:52:22,848 --> 00:52:25,449 It looks like you hit the grocery store pretty often. 1278 00:52:25,450 --> 00:52:26,450 Screw you, Dave. 1279 00:52:27,019 --> 00:52:29,587 - Hey, you want to see something cool? -Yeah. 1280 00:52:40,464 --> 00:52:42,666 Holy fuck-a-moley! 1281 00:52:42,667 --> 00:52:44,836 Is that real? 1282 00:52:44,837 --> 00:52:47,605 It was a gift to my grandfather from Stalin. 1283 00:52:47,606 --> 00:52:51,441 In my country, it's pronounced "Stallone." 1284 00:52:51,442 --> 00:52:53,046 You're so funny, Dave. 1285 00:52:54,046 --> 00:52:55,512 Uh, right. 1286 00:52:55,513 --> 00:52:57,681 Well, can we look inside? 1287 00:52:57,682 --> 00:52:59,449 Fuck, yeah, we can. 1288 00:52:59,450 --> 00:53:01,719 Come on. 1289 00:53:01,720 --> 00:53:03,454 This is so cool. 1290 00:53:03,455 --> 00:53:05,523 - A tank! - Yeah, a tank. 1291 00:53:05,524 --> 00:53:06,523 Whoa. 1292 00:53:06,524 --> 00:53:07,891 Is it still live? 1293 00:53:07,892 --> 00:53:09,527 I don't know. 1294 00:53:09,528 --> 00:53:11,897 Maybe we should find out. 1295 00:53:12,497 --> 00:53:14,465 Look... you have a... sound system in here? 1296 00:53:14,466 --> 00:53:18,303 Oh, no, no, no. Don't... d-don't touch. 1297 00:53:21,640 --> 00:53:23,608 - Katy Perry? - Oh... 1298 00:53:23,609 --> 00:53:26,644 Oh, uh... no, my wife must have put that in there, 1299 00:53:26,645 --> 00:53:29,313 'cause I've never heard this before in my life. 1300 00:53:29,314 --> 00:53:30,648 I love Katy Perry! 1301 00:53:30,649 --> 00:53:34,485 ♪ Baby, you're a firework ♪ 1302 00:53:34,486 --> 00:53:37,621 ♪ Come on, show 'em what you're worth... ♪ 1303 00:53:37,622 --> 00:53:38,755 I love... I mean, I have this on... 1304 00:53:38,756 --> 00:53:39,757 I listen to this all the time. 1305 00:53:39,758 --> 00:53:42,492 - Really? - I love her! 1306 00:53:42,493 --> 00:53:43,828 You know why I really like her? 1307 00:53:44,028 --> 00:53:46,431 'Cause... because she has such a strong message 1308 00:53:46,432 --> 00:53:49,733 for young women and girls across the planet. 1309 00:53:49,734 --> 00:53:51,568 She's a... It's so empowering. 1310 00:53:51,569 --> 00:53:53,503 Yeah. 1311 00:53:53,504 --> 00:53:57,507 You know, Dave, sometimes I feel like a plastic bag. 1312 00:53:57,508 --> 00:53:59,943 Drifting through the wind? 1313 00:53:59,944 --> 00:54:02,579 Wanting to start again. 1314 00:54:02,580 --> 00:54:03,580 Oh. 1315 00:54:04,049 --> 00:54:05,772 ♪ As you shoot across the ♪ 1316 00:54:06,051 --> 00:54:08,952 ♪ Sky, sky, sky... ♪ 1317 00:54:08,953 --> 00:54:10,788 Oh, good times. 1318 00:54:10,789 --> 00:54:12,690 - Yeah. - Yeah. Uh, Dave? 1319 00:54:12,691 --> 00:54:15,559 Do you think that margaritas are gay 1320 00:54:15,560 --> 00:54:17,527 because they are so sweet? 1321 00:54:17,528 --> 00:54:19,864 Did someone tell you that? That margaritas are gay? 1322 00:54:19,865 --> 00:54:22,599 No, it's just a question I have. 1323 00:54:22,600 --> 00:54:25,769 If liking Katy Perry and drinking margaritas is gay, 1324 00:54:25,770 --> 00:54:27,804 then who wants to be straight? 1325 00:54:27,805 --> 00:54:29,606 - Not me. - Boring! 1326 00:54:29,607 --> 00:54:31,541 Margaritas are great. 1327 00:54:31,542 --> 00:54:34,811 And whoever planted that in your head is crazy. 1328 00:54:34,812 --> 00:54:37,450 Let me ask you something. 1329 00:54:38,450 --> 00:54:40,622 Does this thing still run? 1330 00:54:59,403 --> 00:55:02,005 Oh, man, this is great, right? 1331 00:55:02,006 --> 00:55:03,807 Can we fire the gun? 1332 00:55:03,808 --> 00:55:06,411 You think I'd tease you and not take you all the way? 1333 00:55:06,412 --> 00:55:07,612 - Really? - Close that shit. 1334 00:55:07,613 --> 00:55:09,579 - Closing the hatch. - Okay. 1335 00:55:09,580 --> 00:55:11,517 Boom, boom, boom! 1336 00:55:15,486 --> 00:55:17,155 Oh, shit! 1337 00:55:17,156 --> 00:55:19,557 Fuck you, tree! 1338 00:55:20,557 --> 00:55:22,626 The control room will be fully staffed 1339 00:55:22,627 --> 00:55:24,762 to insure an uninterrupted transmission. 1340 00:55:24,763 --> 00:55:26,130 All right. 1341 00:55:26,131 --> 00:55:27,898 This is the kill switch. 1342 00:55:27,899 --> 00:55:30,788 During the interview, if any parameters are violated, 1343 00:55:31,069 --> 00:55:33,503 I will use it and cut the signal. 1344 00:55:33,504 --> 00:55:35,472 Don't worry, we're gonna stick with the program here. 1345 00:55:35,473 --> 00:55:38,476 I will be in charge of every aspect of this transmission. 1346 00:55:38,477 --> 00:55:40,811 Dave and the show itself are very dependent on me 1347 00:55:40,812 --> 00:55:43,481 when it comes to how we actually shoot the show. 1348 00:55:43,482 --> 00:55:44,849 I know. I've watched every episode 1349 00:55:45,049 --> 00:55:46,819 in preparation for this interview. 1350 00:55:47,019 --> 00:55:47,730 Wow! 1351 00:55:47,930 --> 00:55:49,152 I particularly enjoyed 1352 00:55:49,153 --> 00:55:51,688 the Miley Cyrus camel toe episode. 1353 00:55:51,689 --> 00:55:53,891 Oh, the camel toe episode. That was good. 1354 00:55:53,892 --> 00:55:55,828 I've never heard this expression before. 1355 00:55:56,028 --> 00:55:57,829 But after seeing it, it is a perfect 1356 00:55:58,029 --> 00:56:00,697 representation of her vagina. 1357 00:56:00,698 --> 00:56:02,766 It is; it looked exactly like that, yeah. 1358 00:56:02,767 --> 00:56:04,635 - It's very deep. - Very deep. Yeah. 1359 00:56:04,636 --> 00:56:05,902 She has quite a hearty moose knuckle. 1360 00:56:05,903 --> 00:56:09,474 You Americans are so creative with your sexual innuendos. 1361 00:56:09,475 --> 00:56:11,809 - We do it very well. - Many animal references. 1362 00:56:11,810 --> 00:56:12,950 Oh, yes, tons. 1363 00:56:19,950 --> 00:56:23,521 Please, take this printed copy of the questions. 1364 00:56:23,522 --> 00:56:25,722 It's crucial Dave review them before the interview. 1365 00:56:25,723 --> 00:56:27,592 Officers Koh and Yu will now take you 1366 00:56:27,593 --> 00:56:29,659 to your room, where you'll be served lunch. 1367 00:56:29,660 --> 00:56:30,862 Come, American. Time to get even fatter. 1368 00:56:31,062 --> 00:56:32,663 Oh, ha-ha. Great. 1369 00:56:32,664 --> 00:56:34,732 Thanks, guys. 1370 00:56:39,837 --> 00:56:42,240 Making you my little Korean bitch! 1371 00:56:42,241 --> 00:56:43,940 What are you gonna do? 1372 00:56:43,941 --> 00:56:45,510 You gonna drop some nukes on L.A.? 1373 00:56:45,511 --> 00:56:46,844 - Nuke your mama. - I bet they can't even 1374 00:56:46,845 --> 00:56:48,580 make it to Australia! 1375 00:56:50,716 --> 00:56:51,716 Face! 1376 00:56:54,185 --> 00:56:57,220 Man, this is so nice. 1377 00:56:57,221 --> 00:56:59,690 Let me ask you something. 1378 00:56:59,691 --> 00:57:01,525 Now, don't take this the wrong way. 1379 00:57:01,526 --> 00:57:03,495 You can ask me anything, Dave. 1380 00:57:04,495 --> 00:57:06,563 Do you pee and poo? 1381 00:57:06,564 --> 00:57:08,231 You've heard the stories, huh? 1382 00:57:09,200 --> 00:57:10,256 Yes, I pee and poo. 1383 00:57:11,102 --> 00:57:12,570 So you have a butthole. 1384 00:57:12,571 --> 00:57:13,737 I've got a butthole, 1385 00:57:13,738 --> 00:57:15,539 and it's working overtime. 1386 00:57:15,540 --> 00:57:16,974 You are awesome. 1387 00:57:16,975 --> 00:57:19,242 You know, this is so weird. 1388 00:57:19,243 --> 00:57:21,845 You are, like, the coolest guy. 1389 00:57:21,846 --> 00:57:23,280 But a lot of people 1390 00:57:23,281 --> 00:57:25,282 say that... 1391 00:57:25,283 --> 00:57:26,983 you're bat-shit crazy. 1392 00:57:26,984 --> 00:57:29,189 They're not wrong. 1393 00:57:31,189 --> 00:57:33,257 I'm 31 years old. 1394 00:57:33,258 --> 00:57:37,161 The fact that I am running a country is bat-shit crazy. 1395 00:57:37,162 --> 00:57:38,963 Hey, what am I to do 1396 00:57:38,964 --> 00:57:40,998 when 24 million people 1397 00:57:40,999 --> 00:57:44,869 look to me as their leader, their god? 1398 00:57:44,870 --> 00:57:48,572 What am I to do when my father's dying wish 1399 00:57:48,573 --> 00:57:51,275 was for me to carry his torch? 1400 00:57:51,276 --> 00:57:52,578 Wow. 1401 00:57:54,178 --> 00:57:56,882 You want to know what my father said to me on his deathbed? 1402 00:57:57,082 --> 00:57:58,916 What did he say, Dave? 1403 00:57:58,917 --> 00:58:00,318 "I'm disappointed, 1404 00:58:00,319 --> 00:58:02,753 because you haven't done enough with your life." 1405 00:58:02,754 --> 00:58:05,188 That is fucked up. 1406 00:58:05,189 --> 00:58:06,824 Yeah, tell me about it. 1407 00:58:06,825 --> 00:58:07,825 Jordan! 1408 00:58:09,127 --> 00:58:11,329 Oh! 1409 00:58:11,330 --> 00:58:13,898 - They call me incompetent. - That's exactly what they 1410 00:58:13,899 --> 00:58:17,168 - said about me when I scored this interview. -No way. 1411 00:58:17,169 --> 00:58:20,605 They said, "Dave Skylark is stupid and incompetent." 1412 00:58:20,606 --> 00:58:22,306 You're handsome, competent, suave. 1413 00:58:22,307 --> 00:58:23,940 How dare they! 1414 00:58:23,941 --> 00:58:28,244 I pretend like their insults don't get to me. 1415 00:58:28,245 --> 00:58:29,245 But they do. 1416 00:58:30,015 --> 00:58:33,351 You know what's more destructive than a nuclear bomb? 1417 00:58:33,352 --> 00:58:35,385 Words. 1418 00:58:35,386 --> 00:58:39,255 And the people are jealous of men like you and me. 1419 00:58:39,256 --> 00:58:43,830 It's as though they despise us because they are not us. 1420 00:58:45,830 --> 00:58:47,931 Hate us 'cause they ain't us. 1421 00:58:47,932 --> 00:58:49,934 Exactly. 1422 00:58:49,935 --> 00:58:51,870 They hate us because they ain't us. 1423 00:58:54,104 --> 00:58:56,806 - That's a great saying, okay? - Hate us 'cause they ain't us! 1424 00:58:56,807 --> 00:58:58,696 They hate us because they ain't us. 1425 00:59:00,145 --> 00:59:01,945 Kim! You got it, boy! 1426 00:59:01,946 --> 00:59:03,681 Okay. Okay. Alley-oop! 1427 00:59:03,682 --> 00:59:04,682 Oh! 1428 00:59:06,149 --> 00:59:07,885 ...That's all right. 1429 00:59:07,886 --> 00:59:10,387 - That's all right. - Oh, my ankles. 1430 00:59:10,388 --> 00:59:12,223 - Okay. - Hey, Kim. 1431 00:59:13,825 --> 00:59:16,162 Let me ask you something. 1432 00:59:19,162 --> 00:59:23,701 Was your father the one who said that margaritas are gay? 1433 00:59:23,702 --> 00:59:28,838 He said that my brothers and I were all too feminine. 1434 00:59:28,839 --> 00:59:33,180 That our luxurious lifestyles turned us into homosexuals. 1435 00:59:36,180 --> 00:59:39,282 I don't have to worry about that anymore. 1436 00:59:39,283 --> 00:59:42,189 Because guess what I get tons of. 1437 00:59:45,189 --> 00:59:46,891 Pussy. 1438 00:59:46,892 --> 00:59:48,093 Oh, my God. 1439 01:00:22,325 --> 01:00:23,325 Hey. 1440 01:00:23,952 --> 01:00:25,896 Dude, you just spent the fucking day 1441 01:00:25,897 --> 01:00:26,898 with Kim Jong-un. What happened? 1442 01:00:27,098 --> 01:00:28,331 Ah... 1443 01:00:28,332 --> 01:00:29,967 It was amazing. 1444 01:00:29,968 --> 01:00:31,769 - "It was amazing"? - Yeah. 1445 01:00:31,770 --> 01:00:34,170 I think it was one of the best days of my life. 1446 01:00:34,171 --> 01:00:35,840 - What? - We smoked joints, 1447 01:00:35,841 --> 01:00:37,974 played basketball, 1448 01:00:37,975 --> 01:00:39,443 fucked chicks. 1449 01:00:39,444 --> 01:00:41,244 We had the best margaritas. 1450 01:00:41,245 --> 01:00:43,246 Did you say you fucked chicks? 1451 01:00:43,247 --> 01:00:44,447 Oh, my God. 1452 01:00:44,448 --> 01:00:47,851 Kim Jong is an animal. 1453 01:00:47,852 --> 01:00:49,887 You know you have to kill this fucking guy tomorrow, right? 1454 01:00:50,087 --> 01:00:53,523 I've been thinking a little bit about the mission. 1455 01:00:53,524 --> 01:00:54,925 Okay. 1456 01:00:54,926 --> 01:00:56,961 America, you know, 1457 01:00:56,962 --> 01:01:01,766 always puttin' its nose in things and screwin' 'em up. 1458 01:01:01,767 --> 01:01:04,969 The truth is, Kim is a master at manipulating the media. 1459 01:01:04,970 --> 01:01:06,304 - Yeah. - You're the media. 1460 01:01:07,071 --> 01:01:08,838 You get what's happening here? 1461 01:01:08,839 --> 01:01:10,840 Maybe the media's manipulating you. 1462 01:01:10,841 --> 01:01:12,510 "Maybe the media's manip..."? 1463 01:01:12,511 --> 01:01:14,512 What the fuck does that even mean? 1464 01:01:14,513 --> 01:01:17,213 I'm the only one who's spent real time with him, all right? 1465 01:01:17,214 --> 01:01:19,215 Spent face-to-face time. 1466 01:01:19,216 --> 01:01:20,550 Dick-to-dick. 1467 01:01:20,551 --> 01:01:23,353 It's just, man, I can sympathize 1468 01:01:23,354 --> 01:01:25,990 with people that get dumped on by the media... and it sucks. 1469 01:01:25,991 --> 01:01:28,159 Well, you know what else fuckin' sucks? 1470 01:01:28,160 --> 01:01:31,829 Concentration camps, famine, firing squads... 1471 01:01:31,830 --> 01:01:32,829 I didn't see any here. Have you? 1472 01:01:32,830 --> 01:01:33,830 No. 1473 01:01:35,013 --> 01:01:37,568 Your attendance is required in the banquet room 1474 01:01:37,569 --> 01:01:39,402 of the Eternal Leader. 1475 01:01:39,403 --> 01:01:40,963 - Hey, how you doing? - Yeah, seriously. 1476 01:01:41,106 --> 01:01:43,373 You are looking fantastic. 1477 01:01:43,374 --> 01:01:45,376 Your unhealthy obsession with my well-being 1478 01:01:45,377 --> 01:01:47,545 is only making me more suspicious of you two. 1479 01:01:47,546 --> 01:01:49,213 - You don't have to be suspicious. - DAVE: Oh, no, no. 1480 01:01:49,214 --> 01:01:50,981 I just want to know what your routine is, man. 1481 01:01:50,982 --> 01:01:52,983 You look fantastic. Do you take vitamins or...? 1482 01:01:52,984 --> 01:01:54,150 - You're doin' somethin' right. - Yeah, you look good. 1483 01:01:54,151 --> 01:01:55,519 Do not ask us any more question. 1484 01:01:55,520 --> 01:01:57,225 Meet us in the banquet hall. 1485 01:02:32,522 --> 01:02:36,560 You see how big their guitars are compared to their bodies? 1486 01:02:38,562 --> 01:02:40,264 I think it's funny. 1487 01:02:40,265 --> 01:02:41,265 That is funny. 1488 01:02:49,272 --> 01:02:51,275 Oh, no. 1489 01:02:51,276 --> 01:02:53,216 It's happening. 1490 01:02:59,216 --> 01:03:01,087 Dave. 1491 01:03:03,087 --> 01:03:04,124 Dave. 1492 01:03:07,124 --> 01:03:08,537 No. 1493 01:03:19,537 --> 01:03:21,204 - Wait, what? - Look at the fu... 1494 01:03:22,073 --> 01:03:23,941 They're good. 1495 01:03:26,011 --> 01:03:29,914 Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. 1496 01:03:29,915 --> 01:03:31,051 Caw, caw. 1497 01:03:40,024 --> 01:03:42,660 - What do we do? - He's gonna poo. 1498 01:03:57,942 --> 01:04:01,110 - Oh, no. Oh, no. 1499 01:04:01,111 --> 01:04:02,500 Oh, shit. Oh, no. Oh, no. 1500 01:04:07,183 --> 01:04:08,183 - It's happening. 1501 01:04:23,368 --> 01:04:25,736 So gross. 1502 01:04:28,138 --> 01:04:30,273 - Oh, no, no, no. 1503 01:04:30,274 --> 01:04:33,946 ...Oh, no! Oh, no! 1504 01:04:39,383 --> 01:04:43,153 - Oh, no. Oh, no. 1505 01:04:52,729 --> 01:04:55,298 It's okay, man. 1506 01:04:55,299 --> 01:04:56,566 No. 1507 01:04:56,567 --> 01:04:58,001 Come on, man. 1508 01:04:58,002 --> 01:05:00,436 We just killed two innocent men. 1509 01:05:00,437 --> 01:05:01,826 Look, Dave, first of all, 1510 01:05:02,026 --> 01:05:03,909 it's not your fault that those men died. 1511 01:05:04,109 --> 01:05:05,576 Second of all, they had to go. 1512 01:05:05,577 --> 01:05:07,411 They knew we were up to something. 1513 01:05:08,479 --> 01:05:11,315 - I'm out. - What? 1514 01:05:11,316 --> 01:05:13,316 - You cannot pull out of this. - I'm pulling out. 1515 01:05:13,317 --> 01:05:14,751 - You're way too deep to pull out. - I'm pullin' out. 1516 01:05:14,752 --> 01:05:16,186 No, you are not. You are leaving it in. 1517 01:05:16,187 --> 01:05:17,653 I been pullin' out for years, son. 1518 01:05:17,654 --> 01:05:20,123 You are not fucking pulling out of this mission. 1519 01:05:20,124 --> 01:05:21,391 That's the only reason we're here. 1520 01:05:21,392 --> 01:05:22,760 We are doing this! 1521 01:05:22,761 --> 01:05:24,128 Kim is not evil. 1522 01:05:24,129 --> 01:05:25,762 He was just born into a hard situation. 1523 01:05:25,763 --> 01:05:28,986 You are fucking stupid, and you are fucking ignorant, Dave. 1524 01:05:31,669 --> 01:05:34,237 - Mm! - Ugh! 1525 01:05:34,238 --> 01:05:36,206 - Who you calling ign'ant? - You, motherfucker. 1526 01:05:36,207 --> 01:05:38,641 You're fuckin' arrogant. 1527 01:05:38,642 --> 01:05:40,510 Everything he's shown you is fake. 1528 01:05:40,511 --> 01:05:42,612 He's shown you what you want to see. 1529 01:05:42,613 --> 01:05:44,213 He's fooled you, you fucking idiot! 1530 01:05:44,214 --> 01:05:47,483 God, look how ready you are to betray me. 1531 01:05:47,484 --> 01:05:51,220 This whole time I thought you were Samwise to my Frodo. 1532 01:05:51,221 --> 01:05:53,623 But you're just Boromir. 1533 01:05:53,624 --> 01:05:55,159 I don't know who the fuck that is. 1534 01:05:55,160 --> 01:05:56,427 "I don't know who Boromir is." 1535 01:05:56,428 --> 01:05:57,628 That's such a Boromir thing to say. 1536 01:05:57,629 --> 01:05:58,796 This is fuckin' done. 1537 01:05:58,996 --> 01:06:00,630 You are fuckin' done after this. 1538 01:06:00,631 --> 01:06:02,900 Once you kill this motherfucker, this shit's over. 1539 01:06:03,100 --> 01:06:04,668 But you are going to kill him! 1540 01:06:04,669 --> 01:06:06,536 You've just turned me into a gun, and you're pointing me 1541 01:06:06,537 --> 01:06:07,937 at the one guy who actually gets me. 1542 01:06:08,073 --> 01:06:10,373 Well, you know what, cowboy? 1543 01:06:10,374 --> 01:06:13,476 A gun can't fire without no bullets. 1544 01:06:13,477 --> 01:06:14,844 What the fuck are you doing?! 1545 01:06:14,845 --> 01:06:18,249 - No, no, no, no, no, no! - Yes, yes! Yes, yes! 1546 01:06:20,007 --> 01:06:21,784 Do you realize what you just did? 1547 01:06:21,785 --> 01:06:23,186 I just saved a life, you murderer. 1548 01:06:23,187 --> 01:06:25,789 - You piece of fu... - Mr. Skylark. 1549 01:06:25,790 --> 01:06:27,724 The Supreme Leader requests your presence 1550 01:06:27,725 --> 01:06:29,326 at a restaurant in Pyongyang for dinner. 1551 01:06:29,327 --> 01:06:32,575 He will be at your door in 30 minutes. 1552 01:06:44,575 --> 01:06:46,510 Hey, Dave. 1553 01:06:46,511 --> 01:06:49,714 Thank you for being with me in my time of sorrow. 1554 01:06:51,549 --> 01:06:55,519 That was super-gross and fucked-up. 1555 01:06:55,520 --> 01:06:57,153 Hi. 1556 01:06:57,154 --> 01:06:59,690 Uh, Mr. Supreme Leader. 1557 01:06:59,691 --> 01:07:00,691 I'm Aaron. 1558 01:07:02,660 --> 01:07:04,827 - Aaron? - Hello. 1559 01:07:04,828 --> 01:07:08,731 Uh, we never got a chance to formally meet, Mr. Great Leader. 1560 01:07:08,732 --> 01:07:11,768 I just wanted to shake your hand. 1561 01:07:11,769 --> 01:07:15,611 Well, any friend of Dave is a friend of mine. 1562 01:07:20,611 --> 01:07:22,618 Uh-huh. 1563 01:07:28,618 --> 01:07:30,621 No! 1564 01:07:30,622 --> 01:07:32,389 - Don't shake that hand. - Why not? 1565 01:07:32,390 --> 01:07:33,657 Yeah, why not?! 1566 01:07:33,658 --> 01:07:35,324 Because Aaron's a Jew. 1567 01:07:35,325 --> 01:07:38,228 - Oh, gross. - Let's go, Supreme Leader. 1568 01:07:38,229 --> 01:07:39,730 Okay. It was nice meeting you. 1569 01:07:39,731 --> 01:07:41,865 Don't you know Jews are bad luck? 1570 01:07:41,866 --> 01:07:44,400 Fuck you, fuck you! 1571 01:07:44,401 --> 01:07:46,346 Friends don't kill friends' friends. 1572 01:07:48,872 --> 01:07:51,275 Okay. Okay. 1573 01:07:51,276 --> 01:07:53,912 Oh, fuck. 1574 01:07:59,082 --> 01:08:01,518 Mr. Rapoport, we need to review some new data 1575 01:08:01,519 --> 01:08:03,786 the Leader wants included in tomorrow's interview. 1576 01:08:03,787 --> 01:08:06,190 Now's not really the best time. 1577 01:08:06,191 --> 01:08:08,492 It will only take a moment. 1578 01:08:08,493 --> 01:08:10,894 Yeah, okay. 1579 01:08:10,895 --> 01:08:12,595 - Great. - Thank you. 1580 01:08:12,596 --> 01:08:14,765 Would you like to share a drink? 1581 01:08:17,368 --> 01:08:19,203 - Raise your glasses. 1582 01:08:19,204 --> 01:08:20,971 Koh and Yu! 1583 01:08:20,972 --> 01:08:25,708 Koh and Yu possessed the finest trait men can have: 1584 01:08:25,709 --> 01:08:27,911 Loyalty. 1585 01:08:27,912 --> 01:08:29,546 I know how you feel. My dog Digby died 1586 01:08:29,547 --> 01:08:32,552 when I was a kid, and I'm still fucked up about it. 1587 01:08:35,552 --> 01:08:38,854 Loyalty is what made my father 1588 01:08:38,855 --> 01:08:40,923 and grandfather so successful. 1589 01:08:40,924 --> 01:08:43,560 That's right. Listen up. Hey, listen up. You. 1590 01:08:43,561 --> 01:08:45,529 Without loyalty, 1591 01:08:45,530 --> 01:08:47,966 a country is a lawless jungle. 1592 01:08:50,659 --> 01:08:53,436 Welcome to the jungle, baby. Welcome to the jungle. 1593 01:08:53,437 --> 01:08:56,006 On your sh-n-n-n-n-n-n knees. 1594 01:08:56,007 --> 01:09:01,411 How else can I prevail against so many enemies? 1595 01:09:01,412 --> 01:09:03,313 Defectors. 1596 01:09:03,314 --> 01:09:05,248 South Korean capitalists. 1597 01:09:05,249 --> 01:09:07,583 The people in this room... 1598 01:09:07,584 --> 01:09:10,587 who don't think I can fill my father's shoes! 1599 01:09:10,588 --> 01:09:13,793 These bastards deserve no humanity! 1600 01:09:15,793 --> 01:09:18,030 To those who seek to undermine me, 1601 01:09:19,030 --> 01:09:21,297 at home and abroad, 1602 01:09:21,298 --> 01:09:24,333 I cannot respond with anything less 1603 01:09:24,334 --> 01:09:27,971 than the totality of my strength! 1604 01:09:27,972 --> 01:09:31,742 If a billion people across the Earth and in my own country 1605 01:09:31,743 --> 01:09:33,844 must be burned to prove it 1606 01:09:33,845 --> 01:09:37,447 then my worthiness as a Kim 1607 01:09:37,448 --> 01:09:39,627 will be demonstrated! 1608 01:09:49,627 --> 01:09:52,296 Um... 1609 01:09:52,297 --> 01:09:55,399 Hey, Kim, I gotta go outside. 1610 01:09:55,400 --> 01:09:57,301 Is that okay? I'm just feelin'... 1611 01:09:57,302 --> 01:10:01,305 Too much, uh, s-s-soju, whatever. 1612 01:10:01,306 --> 01:10:03,907 Okay. 1613 01:10:03,908 --> 01:10:05,641 I'll be back. 1614 01:10:05,642 --> 01:10:08,079 So how'd you wind up as one of the heads 1615 01:10:09,079 --> 01:10:10,947 of a, uh, dictatorship? 1616 01:10:10,948 --> 01:10:12,615 Ah. 1617 01:10:12,616 --> 01:10:14,618 One day, party officials came to my classroom 1618 01:10:14,619 --> 01:10:16,520 in search of a young woman 1619 01:10:16,521 --> 01:10:18,889 to serve on the Kim family personal staff. 1620 01:10:18,890 --> 01:10:21,691 They selected me. 1621 01:10:21,692 --> 01:10:23,426 Over the years, 1622 01:10:23,427 --> 01:10:25,494 I grew close with Kim Jong-un. 1623 01:10:25,495 --> 01:10:28,467 When he rose to power, he took me with him. 1624 01:10:30,467 --> 01:10:32,903 And here I am. 1625 01:10:32,904 --> 01:10:35,671 Kinda have a guy like that in my life, too. 1626 01:10:35,672 --> 01:10:38,774 You've been with Dave a long time. 1627 01:10:38,775 --> 01:10:40,577 He's a hard guy to leave. 1628 01:10:40,578 --> 01:10:42,511 You just like the money and can't say no to Dave. 1629 01:10:42,512 --> 01:10:44,648 No... 1630 01:10:44,649 --> 01:10:46,917 Yes! I know you. 1631 01:10:46,918 --> 01:10:48,952 You're fuckin' awesome. 1632 01:10:48,953 --> 01:10:51,654 - No, I don't understand you. - And it's a little bit weird. 1633 01:10:51,655 --> 01:10:53,957 I mean, do you have a boyfriend in this country? 1634 01:10:53,958 --> 01:10:57,461 Is that too forward of me to ask? 1635 01:10:57,462 --> 01:11:00,564 What are you lookin' at? 1636 01:11:00,565 --> 01:11:03,766 - I should leave. - Why? 1637 01:11:03,767 --> 01:11:06,323 I'm concerned my feelings of attraction for you 1638 01:11:07,070 --> 01:11:09,372 will cause me to make mistakes. 1639 01:11:09,373 --> 01:11:11,440 Your feelings of attraction for me? 1640 01:11:11,441 --> 01:11:13,977 Fuck this! 1641 01:11:15,313 --> 01:11:17,381 Ever since I saw you on that mountaintop, 1642 01:11:17,382 --> 01:11:18,948 this is all I've been thinking about. 1643 01:11:18,949 --> 01:11:20,551 Me, too. 1644 01:12:40,564 --> 01:12:43,132 Fake. 1645 01:12:43,133 --> 01:12:45,601 Fake carrots. 1646 01:12:45,602 --> 01:12:46,869 Fake fruit! 1647 01:12:46,870 --> 01:12:47,870 Fake! 1648 01:12:49,739 --> 01:12:51,841 Fake! 1649 01:12:51,842 --> 01:12:54,610 Fake grapefruits! 1650 01:12:54,611 --> 01:12:56,547 Fake! 1651 01:12:57,547 --> 01:12:59,918 Liar! 1652 01:13:00,918 --> 01:13:03,021 You liar! 1653 01:13:10,927 --> 01:13:12,205 Why aren't I naked yet? 1654 01:13:13,030 --> 01:13:15,232 Uh... 1655 01:13:17,168 --> 01:13:18,768 - Aah! - Yeah. 1656 01:13:18,769 --> 01:13:21,238 You're hairy, you're so hairy like a bear! 1657 01:13:21,239 --> 01:13:23,273 You're fucking sexy, yeah. 1658 01:13:23,274 --> 01:13:25,242 Your nipples are so pink! 1659 01:13:25,243 --> 01:13:26,243 Yes, they are. 1660 01:13:26,244 --> 01:13:27,677 I love it! 1661 01:13:28,879 --> 01:13:30,814 Okay, no, whoa, no! 1662 01:13:30,815 --> 01:13:32,681 - No hands. - No hands? 1663 01:13:32,682 --> 01:13:33,816 I'm not into handsy shit. 1664 01:13:33,817 --> 01:13:34,885 That's how I like it. 1665 01:13:34,886 --> 01:13:35,886 Well... 1666 01:13:36,820 --> 01:13:38,089 Just take it off. 1667 01:13:39,089 --> 01:13:40,924 Okay. 1668 01:13:41,893 --> 01:13:42,893 You said no hands! 1669 01:13:43,093 --> 01:13:44,261 You fucking hit me with your hand! 1670 01:13:44,262 --> 01:13:45,374 How do I get it off? 1671 01:13:46,062 --> 01:13:49,198 Use your big, fat American teeth. 1672 01:13:49,199 --> 01:13:51,134 Okay, I will! 1673 01:13:51,135 --> 01:13:52,669 This is awesome. 1674 01:13:58,308 --> 01:14:00,311 Oh, this is hard. 1675 01:14:05,082 --> 01:14:06,082 Shit... 1676 01:14:07,583 --> 01:14:09,988 Oh, shit, what's wrong? 1677 01:14:10,988 --> 01:14:14,990 The numbers I gave you on potato output... 1678 01:14:14,991 --> 01:14:17,127 are exaggerated. 1679 01:14:17,128 --> 01:14:18,761 That's okay with me. I don't really care about that. 1680 01:14:18,762 --> 01:14:19,930 If you want, you can give me 1681 01:14:19,931 --> 01:14:21,698 the real numbers, and we can get back 1682 01:14:21,699 --> 01:14:24,600 - to what we were doing. - No, it's not just the numbers. 1683 01:14:24,601 --> 01:14:26,603 I am a terrible person. 1684 01:14:26,604 --> 01:14:27,703 No, you're not. You're the best person. 1685 01:14:27,704 --> 01:14:29,064 You were about to have sex with me. 1686 01:14:29,105 --> 01:14:30,873 That's like the best thing someone could do. 1687 01:14:30,874 --> 01:14:34,711 I'm the propagandist of a totalitarian dictatorship. 1688 01:14:34,712 --> 01:14:36,712 That's an area you could improve, 1689 01:14:36,713 --> 01:14:39,248 but, you know, you don't have to dwell on it or anything. 1690 01:14:39,249 --> 01:14:43,286 He's as cruel as his father and grandfather before him. 1691 01:14:43,287 --> 01:14:44,954 You knew this this whole time. 1692 01:14:44,955 --> 01:14:46,844 Why is this just bothering you now? 1693 01:14:47,044 --> 01:14:48,860 It's been bothering me for a long time, 1694 01:14:49,060 --> 01:14:51,029 and I'm not the only one, 1695 01:14:52,029 --> 01:14:55,033 but too many people see him as a god. 1696 01:14:56,033 --> 01:14:58,935 How do you prove to 24 million people 1697 01:14:58,936 --> 01:15:02,738 that their god is a murderer and a liar? 1698 01:15:02,739 --> 01:15:04,740 - Aaron, I need to talk. 1699 01:15:04,741 --> 01:15:06,142 Fuck, it's Dave... shit. 1700 01:15:06,980 --> 01:15:08,979 You, you hide in there, I'll be back. 1701 01:15:08,980 --> 01:15:11,180 - I'll go deal with him. - Okay, go, go, go... 1702 01:15:11,181 --> 01:15:12,881 Oh, shit. 1703 01:15:12,882 --> 01:15:15,685 - Aaron, are you here? - Yeah, one sec, uh, one sec. 1704 01:15:15,686 --> 01:15:18,622 - One sec... don't come in, don't come in! - I need to talk. 1705 01:15:18,623 --> 01:15:20,289 Hey, how's it going, dude? 1706 01:15:20,290 --> 01:15:21,925 - Not good. - Uh, maybe now's 1707 01:15:21,926 --> 01:15:23,225 not a good time, maybe we should take a walk. 1708 01:15:23,226 --> 01:15:25,761 No, no, no, no, I can't walk this off. 1709 01:15:25,762 --> 01:15:26,930 I cannot walk this off. 1710 01:15:26,931 --> 01:15:28,231 I need to... 1711 01:15:29,699 --> 01:15:30,966 I'm so fucking pissed. 1712 01:15:30,967 --> 01:15:32,167 I just want to hit something! 1713 01:15:32,168 --> 01:15:33,203 No, no! 1714 01:15:33,204 --> 01:15:34,593 No, don't punch anything! 1715 01:15:36,839 --> 01:15:37,940 Breathe. 1716 01:15:37,941 --> 01:15:39,842 Just breathe, maybe pace it out. 1717 01:15:39,843 --> 01:15:41,778 Fuck, man. 1718 01:15:41,779 --> 01:15:43,113 Kim. 1719 01:15:43,114 --> 01:15:44,948 - Wha-What about him? - He's going crazy. 1720 01:15:44,949 --> 01:15:46,315 He said he's going to blow up the world 1721 01:15:46,316 --> 01:15:47,884 just to show that he's the shit. 1722 01:15:48,084 --> 01:15:49,819 And at first, I thought, 1723 01:15:49,820 --> 01:15:51,856 "All right, maybe he's just talking, you know, 1724 01:15:52,056 --> 01:15:54,791 maybe he doesn't mean it." 1725 01:15:54,792 --> 01:15:57,961 Then I saw this fake fucking grapefruit. 1726 01:15:57,962 --> 01:15:58,963 What? 1727 01:15:59,563 --> 01:16:01,797 All the food in that grocery store is fake! 1728 01:16:01,798 --> 01:16:03,198 He fucking lied to me. 1729 01:16:03,199 --> 01:16:05,935 Maybe that, maybe that fat kid isn't fat. 1730 01:16:05,936 --> 01:16:09,939 I mean, oh, what about the concentration camps? 1731 01:16:09,940 --> 01:16:10,874 And the famine... Maybe that's real. 1732 01:16:11,074 --> 01:16:13,143 God! 1733 01:16:13,144 --> 01:16:15,845 It is... I've been telling you that for weeks now. 1734 01:16:15,846 --> 01:16:16,886 He fucking honeydicked me. 1735 01:16:17,080 --> 01:16:19,215 He honeydicked the shit out of me. 1736 01:16:19,216 --> 01:16:21,354 - Sucks. - You still got that poison? 1737 01:16:24,354 --> 01:16:26,956 You can't speak? What the fuck? 1738 01:16:26,957 --> 01:16:28,858 I want to know if you have the fucking poison 1739 01:16:28,859 --> 01:16:31,360 - so we can kill that motherfucker. - What?! 1740 01:16:31,361 --> 01:16:32,830 Whoa, ho, spy! What the hell?! 1741 01:16:33,030 --> 01:16:34,831 - She's on our side! - Fuck's going on here?! 1742 01:16:34,832 --> 01:16:36,365 - You can trust me, I'm okay. - You can trust her, man! 1743 01:16:36,366 --> 01:16:38,868 Trust her?! Are you joking?! We got to kill her. 1744 01:16:38,869 --> 01:16:41,003 - Oh, my God, what are you doing? - Dude, I was in bed with her! 1745 01:16:41,004 --> 01:16:42,238 - What?! - We're hooking up. 1746 01:16:42,239 --> 01:16:43,739 - That's why she's here. - What?! 1747 01:16:43,740 --> 01:16:45,175 Let him go; everything is fine. 1748 01:16:45,176 --> 01:16:46,376 Now we got to kill the girl that you like. 1749 01:16:46,377 --> 01:16:47,911 This is the worst moment ever! 1750 01:16:47,912 --> 01:16:49,480 We're not killing her! 1751 01:16:51,004 --> 01:16:52,448 - She's loyal to Kim. - No! 1752 01:16:52,449 --> 01:16:55,719 Dude, she was just telling me she's with us. 1753 01:16:55,720 --> 01:16:56,853 I hate Kim. 1754 01:16:56,854 --> 01:16:58,921 He is a terrible leader. 1755 01:16:58,922 --> 01:17:00,189 - See? - Okay. 1756 01:17:00,190 --> 01:17:01,925 She can help us kill him. 1757 01:17:01,926 --> 01:17:03,792 What? No, no, no killing. 1758 01:17:03,793 --> 01:17:04,793 Kim must die. 1759 01:17:04,794 --> 01:17:06,296 That's the American way. 1760 01:17:06,297 --> 01:17:09,298 How many times can the U.S. make the same mistake? 1761 01:17:09,299 --> 01:17:10,934 As many times as it takes. 1762 01:17:10,935 --> 01:17:12,502 Killing Kim won't change anything. 1763 01:17:12,503 --> 01:17:13,869 You said it yourself. 1764 01:17:13,870 --> 01:17:15,505 We got to do something, right? 1765 01:17:15,506 --> 01:17:16,618 He will be replaced. 1766 01:17:16,818 --> 01:17:18,274 He has brothers, he has other generals. 1767 01:17:18,275 --> 01:17:19,475 The people need 1768 01:17:19,476 --> 01:17:22,278 to be shown that he is not a god, 1769 01:17:22,279 --> 01:17:23,880 that he is a man. 1770 01:17:23,881 --> 01:17:25,881 Then they will be ready for change. 1771 01:17:25,882 --> 01:17:27,052 Yeah, how? 1772 01:17:28,052 --> 01:17:30,286 Interviewing him. 1773 01:17:30,287 --> 01:17:33,155 Everyone in North Korea will be watching. 1774 01:17:33,156 --> 01:17:34,858 No... the interview's scripted. 1775 01:17:35,058 --> 01:17:38,360 His people are never going to let me ask real questions. 1776 01:17:38,361 --> 01:17:40,764 Dave, I am his people. 1777 01:17:40,765 --> 01:17:41,831 She controls the broadcast. 1778 01:17:41,832 --> 01:17:44,134 I can't do political interviews. 1779 01:17:44,135 --> 01:17:45,747 I do entertainment interviews. 1780 01:17:46,035 --> 01:17:48,538 Dude, you can fucking do this. 1781 01:17:48,539 --> 01:17:50,539 - Yeah? -Yeah, you don't interview with your brain. 1782 01:17:50,540 --> 01:17:52,175 You interview with your heart. 1783 01:17:52,176 --> 01:17:54,543 - True. - Your emotion, Dave. 1784 01:17:54,544 --> 01:17:57,546 You get Kim Jong-un to fucking cry like a baby 1785 01:17:57,547 --> 01:18:00,315 in front of all of North Korea? 1786 01:18:00,316 --> 01:18:01,852 They'll know he's not a god. 1787 01:18:02,052 --> 01:18:05,089 - I think I can do this. - You can do it. 1788 01:18:06,089 --> 01:18:09,458 I'm Dave Skylark and I can interview anyone. 1789 01:18:09,459 --> 01:18:10,926 Yeah, you can. 1790 01:18:10,927 --> 01:18:13,396 Let's take this motherfucker down! 1791 01:18:27,177 --> 01:18:29,345 - Oh, God, oh, God! - Oh, ah! 1792 01:18:29,346 --> 01:18:31,280 - You got a lot of pent-up energy! - 1793 01:18:31,281 --> 01:18:32,484 Oh, God! 1794 01:18:34,484 --> 01:18:36,819 Okay, everything's ready. 1795 01:18:36,820 --> 01:18:37,953 Uh, you ready to rock? 1796 01:18:37,954 --> 01:18:38,888 Y-You memorize all those facts? 1797 01:18:39,088 --> 01:18:39,889 I'm ready, baby. 1798 01:18:40,089 --> 01:18:41,256 Great. 1799 01:18:41,257 --> 01:18:42,859 How many people in concentration camps? 1800 01:18:42,860 --> 01:18:43,893 200,000. 1801 01:18:43,894 --> 01:18:44,961 How many people malnourished? 1802 01:18:44,962 --> 01:18:46,162 16 million. 1803 01:18:46,163 --> 01:18:48,163 They spent $800 million on nukes last year 1804 01:18:48,164 --> 01:18:51,533 and got $200 million in food aid from the UN. 1805 01:18:51,534 --> 01:18:53,903 And I got more where that came from, baby. 1806 01:18:53,904 --> 01:18:56,372 Really good... you're going to nail this shit. 1807 01:18:56,373 --> 01:18:58,240 - I just wish we had a fucking escape plan. - Why don't we go 1808 01:18:58,241 --> 01:19:00,376 - to Japan? -Well, 'cause it's across the Sea of Japan. 1809 01:19:00,377 --> 01:19:02,145 - Why don't we swim? - Can't swim that. 1810 01:19:02,146 --> 01:19:03,813 - Oh, I'm a good swimmer. - It's really, really far. 1811 01:19:04,013 --> 01:19:05,515 - People have done it. - Nope. 1812 01:19:05,516 --> 01:19:07,316 - Yep, Michael Phelps did it. - That's not true. 1813 01:19:07,317 --> 01:19:08,317 - ...Okay. - Okay. 1814 01:19:08,631 --> 01:19:10,187 Skylark, two-minute warning. 1815 01:19:10,387 --> 01:19:11,887 Just keep me on the air as long as you can. 1816 01:19:11,888 --> 01:19:12,822 I will, man. 1817 01:19:13,022 --> 01:19:14,890 Maybe we won't get out of here. 1818 01:19:14,891 --> 01:19:16,326 No, we might die. 1819 01:19:16,327 --> 01:19:18,895 I've had a great life. 1820 01:19:18,896 --> 01:19:20,262 I had the best best friend. 1821 01:19:20,263 --> 01:19:22,998 Fucked more women than Ellen DeGeneres. 1822 01:19:22,999 --> 01:19:24,533 And now it's time 1823 01:19:24,534 --> 01:19:27,312 for the North Korean people to get their dicks wet. 1824 01:19:28,038 --> 01:19:30,316 This is a perfect ending for the tell-all. 1825 01:19:32,241 --> 01:19:36,279 As the two best friends stared each other in the eyes, 1826 01:19:36,280 --> 01:19:39,282 they knew that this might be 1827 01:19:39,283 --> 01:19:41,451 the end of the long road, 1828 01:19:41,452 --> 01:19:43,552 but they also knew 1829 01:19:43,553 --> 01:19:46,355 how much they meant to each other, and even though 1830 01:19:46,356 --> 01:19:49,026 neither one could say it out loud, 1831 01:19:50,026 --> 01:19:52,595 they were both thinking... 1832 01:19:52,596 --> 01:19:55,967 I love you. 1833 01:19:56,967 --> 01:19:59,167 Okay, man, you got this. 1834 01:19:59,168 --> 01:20:00,405 Okay. 1835 01:20:03,405 --> 01:20:05,508 Showtime. 1836 01:21:03,033 --> 01:21:05,167 Dave. 1837 01:21:05,168 --> 01:21:06,503 Kim. 1838 01:21:08,604 --> 01:21:10,539 Are you ready to share with the world 1839 01:21:10,540 --> 01:21:12,507 that gorgeous smile of yours? 1840 01:21:12,508 --> 01:21:15,579 Tonight, I think it's your smile they want to see. 1841 01:21:17,126 --> 01:21:18,514 I have something for you. 1842 01:21:18,515 --> 01:21:20,686 What?! 1843 01:21:22,686 --> 01:21:23,987 What's this? 1844 01:21:23,988 --> 01:21:25,290 Open. 1845 01:21:31,593 --> 01:21:33,762 Aw... aw! 1846 01:21:33,763 --> 01:21:35,398 ...For me? 1847 01:21:35,399 --> 01:21:37,399 For you. 1848 01:21:37,400 --> 01:21:40,203 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh...! 1849 01:21:40,204 --> 01:21:43,006 Oh, he's just like Digby. 1850 01:21:43,007 --> 01:21:44,207 Just like Digby. 1851 01:21:44,208 --> 01:21:45,541 I think I'm gonna die. 1852 01:21:45,542 --> 01:21:47,476 - Oh, my God... - Don't die, please. 1853 01:21:47,477 --> 01:21:49,545 Not till after the interview. 1854 01:21:49,546 --> 01:21:52,215 This dog is killing me with cuteness. 1855 01:21:52,216 --> 01:21:54,216 - He's crazy cute. - Can I keep it? 1856 01:21:54,217 --> 01:21:56,685 Take him home, forever and ever. 1857 01:21:56,686 --> 01:21:58,022 Why? 1858 01:21:59,022 --> 01:22:03,725 I live a lonely life, Dave... 1859 01:22:03,726 --> 01:22:06,362 and it warms my heart to know 1860 01:22:06,363 --> 01:22:08,296 that there is someone in this world 1861 01:22:08,297 --> 01:22:11,501 with whom I can truly be myself. 1862 01:22:11,502 --> 01:22:14,138 Whatever they say about you... 1863 01:22:16,138 --> 01:22:17,641 ...they're wrong. 1864 01:22:19,476 --> 01:22:22,310 I'm just me and I do my best. 1865 01:22:22,311 --> 01:22:23,513 You're my brother. 1866 01:22:25,181 --> 01:22:26,517 You're my brother. 1867 01:22:28,509 --> 01:22:30,453 Let's get this out of the way, okay? 1868 01:22:30,454 --> 01:22:32,221 - Okay. - Okay. 1869 01:22:32,222 --> 01:22:34,756 And what are we gonna name you, huh? 1870 01:22:34,757 --> 01:22:36,659 You need a name? Yes, you do. 1871 01:22:42,598 --> 01:22:44,834 Look, look. He looks just like Digby. 1872 01:22:46,403 --> 01:22:48,471 You gotta be fucking kidding me. 1873 01:22:48,472 --> 01:22:50,441 : We see you in a minute. Bye-bye. 1874 01:22:52,441 --> 01:22:53,643 - Okay... - Okay. 1875 01:22:53,644 --> 01:22:55,478 - Shall we begin? - Are you ready? 1876 01:22:55,479 --> 01:22:56,779 Shut the fuck up. 1877 01:22:56,780 --> 01:22:58,669 Guys, it's starting! It's starting. 1878 01:22:59,482 --> 01:23:02,452 And we're on in five... 1879 01:23:02,453 --> 01:23:04,356 four, three... 1880 01:23:07,356 --> 01:23:09,124 Good evening. 1881 01:23:09,125 --> 01:23:10,792 And good morning to our viewers around the world. 1882 01:23:10,793 --> 01:23:12,627 I'm Dave Skylark. 1883 01:23:12,628 --> 01:23:16,631 Thank you for joining me for this historic moment in history. 1884 01:23:16,632 --> 01:23:18,400 I'm with President Kim Jong-un 1885 01:23:18,401 --> 01:23:21,369 of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea. 1886 01:23:21,370 --> 01:23:23,305 We are broadcasting 1887 01:23:23,306 --> 01:23:25,475 from a station outside of Pyongyang 1888 01:23:25,476 --> 01:23:27,310 for this very special edition of: 1889 01:23:27,311 --> 01:23:29,178 "Skylark Tonight." 1890 01:23:30,513 --> 01:23:32,715 Thank you for joining me, 1891 01:23:32,716 --> 01:23:34,417 President Kim Jong-un. 1892 01:23:34,418 --> 01:23:36,185 It is my pleasure, Dave. 1893 01:23:36,186 --> 01:23:38,788 You know, there is so much misunderstanding 1894 01:23:38,789 --> 01:23:40,523 about North Korea 1895 01:23:40,524 --> 01:23:42,492 and, uh, me personally. 1896 01:23:42,493 --> 01:23:44,527 - Mm-hmm. - And I can't think of a man 1897 01:23:44,528 --> 01:23:46,796 with greater intelligence than you. 1898 01:23:46,797 --> 01:23:48,331 I am grateful 1899 01:23:48,332 --> 01:23:50,867 for this opportunity for my government 1900 01:23:50,868 --> 01:23:53,269 and for the international community 1901 01:23:53,270 --> 01:23:56,905 to forge a better relationship. 1902 01:23:56,906 --> 01:23:58,673 So you want to set the record straight. 1903 01:23:58,674 --> 01:24:00,143 Indeed, Dave. 1904 01:24:00,144 --> 01:24:01,676 Camera three. 1905 01:24:01,677 --> 01:24:03,212 Tensions between your nation 1906 01:24:03,213 --> 01:24:06,448 and South Korea are at an all-time high. 1907 01:24:06,449 --> 01:24:09,618 It's fair to say that you're on the brink of armed conflict. 1908 01:24:09,619 --> 01:24:12,288 So, what I want to know is: 1909 01:24:12,289 --> 01:24:14,823 In these times of great stress, 1910 01:24:14,824 --> 01:24:16,691 do you do karaoke? 1911 01:24:16,692 --> 01:24:18,461 Yes, I do, Dave. 1912 01:24:18,462 --> 01:24:22,164 I believe that it is important for those in power 1913 01:24:22,165 --> 01:24:24,634 to remain in touch with the beauty in life. 1914 01:24:24,635 --> 01:24:27,770 You are also a very accomplished painter, aren't you? 1915 01:24:27,771 --> 01:24:29,438 Well, how can I not be? 1916 01:24:29,439 --> 01:24:30,840 He's reading the scripted questions. 1917 01:24:30,841 --> 01:24:32,774 He lulls them and then he gets them. 1918 01:24:32,775 --> 01:24:34,377 It's his technique. 1919 01:24:34,378 --> 01:24:35,778 The beauty guides you. 1920 01:24:35,779 --> 01:24:37,346 It guides my hand. 1921 01:24:37,347 --> 01:24:39,881 This is fuckin' bullshit. 1922 01:24:39,882 --> 01:24:41,551 Let's take it to a serious tip. 1923 01:24:41,552 --> 01:24:43,386 Supreme Leader Kim, when... 1924 01:24:43,387 --> 01:24:45,253 the United States, 1925 01:24:45,254 --> 01:24:48,390 which has an enormous stockpile of nuclear weapons, 1926 01:24:48,391 --> 01:24:53,563 insists that countries like yours have none, 1927 01:24:53,564 --> 01:24:56,599 does that feel hypocritical to you? 1928 01:24:56,600 --> 01:24:58,967 Many Americans do not realize 1929 01:24:58,968 --> 01:25:01,270 that the war in North Korea 1930 01:25:01,271 --> 01:25:03,972 was entirely the fault of the United States. 1931 01:25:03,973 --> 01:25:06,809 Damn! Kim's callin' us out! 1932 01:25:06,810 --> 01:25:08,778 - You really are still hopeful? - No, no, I'm not 1933 01:25:08,779 --> 01:25:11,279 hopeful at all. He's totally bailed on the plan. 1934 01:25:11,280 --> 01:25:13,416 America, what you done to these Koreans? 1935 01:25:13,417 --> 01:25:15,518 This is a little embarrassing. 1936 01:25:15,519 --> 01:25:18,354 So when you think of all that your country has been through... 1937 01:25:18,355 --> 01:25:21,256 The wars, the floods... 1938 01:25:21,257 --> 01:25:23,792 Do you think that your people should be rewarded 1939 01:25:23,793 --> 01:25:26,895 for their resilience and strength? 1940 01:25:26,896 --> 01:25:29,735 Of course, Dave. 1941 01:25:32,735 --> 01:25:34,806 Then why don't you feed them? 1942 01:25:39,543 --> 01:25:40,543 - ...Hmm.. - Mm... 1943 01:25:42,445 --> 01:25:46,314 Uh... I... 1944 01:25:46,315 --> 01:25:48,220 Camera two. 1945 01:25:50,220 --> 01:25:51,387 I... beg your pardon? 1946 01:25:52,021 --> 01:25:54,390 Why don't you feed your people? 1947 01:25:54,391 --> 01:25:55,591 They are hungry. 1948 01:25:55,592 --> 01:25:57,659 Specifically, two-thirds of them? 1949 01:25:57,660 --> 01:25:59,830 Isn't that a little embarrassing, since you're 1950 01:26:00,030 --> 01:26:02,398 the one they view as a provider and a god? 1951 01:26:02,399 --> 01:26:05,467 And you spend $800 million on nukes every year? 1952 01:26:05,468 --> 01:26:06,837 And you have 16 million people 1953 01:26:07,037 --> 01:26:08,543 who are starving? 1954 01:26:14,543 --> 01:26:17,546 Are you sure you don't, uh... 1955 01:26:17,547 --> 01:26:20,283 mean to ask me about potato yields? 1956 01:26:20,284 --> 01:26:21,617 No, I want to know 1957 01:26:21,618 --> 01:26:23,286 about that other thing I just asked. 1958 01:26:23,287 --> 01:26:24,587 Okay, uh, well, uh... 1959 01:26:24,588 --> 01:26:27,422 Dave, as you have seen for yourself 1960 01:26:27,423 --> 01:26:30,292 we have a great bounty of food in North Korea. 1961 01:26:30,293 --> 01:26:32,328 What I saw for myself 1962 01:26:32,329 --> 01:26:35,698 was a fake grocery store 1963 01:26:35,699 --> 01:26:38,366 with a fake fat kid planted right in front of it. 1964 01:26:41,570 --> 01:26:43,905 Okay, uh, this is, uh... 1965 01:26:43,906 --> 01:26:45,841 an offensive line of questioning. 1966 01:26:45,842 --> 01:26:48,377 I don't think it's offensive. I think it's super important. 1967 01:26:48,378 --> 01:26:49,612 Obviously, if you don't want to answer these questions, 1968 01:26:49,613 --> 01:26:50,779 you can just get up and walk away. 1969 01:26:50,780 --> 01:26:52,847 I can't keep you from retreating. 1970 01:26:52,848 --> 01:26:54,617 - He's gonna go for the button. - He's not. He's sitting there. 1971 01:26:54,618 --> 01:26:56,585 - He's not moving. - He's going for the button. 1972 01:26:56,586 --> 01:26:58,721 He's going for the button, he's going for the button... 1973 01:26:58,722 --> 01:26:59,721 He's not. Oh, shit. He's making a move! 1974 01:26:59,722 --> 01:27:01,990 Don't move, homie! 1975 01:27:01,991 --> 01:27:03,792 Get your hand away from there! Get over there! 1976 01:27:03,793 --> 01:27:04,793 Over there! 1977 01:27:04,794 --> 01:27:05,794 Get over there! 1978 01:27:07,629 --> 01:27:08,764 I will cap you! 1979 01:27:08,765 --> 01:27:09,866 I'm exploding with energy. 1980 01:27:10,066 --> 01:27:11,701 I can't believe this is happening. 1981 01:27:11,702 --> 01:27:14,002 I feel so alive right now. This is so real. 1982 01:27:14,003 --> 01:27:16,538 He's got him. Nice! 1983 01:27:16,539 --> 01:27:18,262 - Dave! Dave... - I know you, Kim. 1984 01:27:25,815 --> 01:27:27,416 Dave... 1985 01:27:27,417 --> 01:27:29,551 perhaps the question you should ask is: 1986 01:27:29,552 --> 01:27:33,355 How have I managed to keep my country so well-nourished 1987 01:27:33,356 --> 01:27:36,425 despite the harsh and unjust economic sanctions 1988 01:27:36,426 --> 01:27:40,496 imposed on North Korea by the United States? 1989 01:27:40,497 --> 01:27:42,065 Sanctions? Uh... 1990 01:27:42,900 --> 01:27:44,899 Don't you know that the United States 1991 01:27:44,900 --> 01:27:47,870 has more incarcerated people per capita than North Korea? 1992 01:27:48,070 --> 01:27:49,682 - No. But... - So, perhaps, now, 1993 01:27:50,039 --> 01:27:51,841 you would like to return 1994 01:27:51,842 --> 01:27:55,444 to the civil discussion we had originally agreed upon. 1995 01:27:55,445 --> 01:27:57,579 Uh... 1996 01:27:57,580 --> 01:27:59,686 - No! 1997 01:28:03,686 --> 01:28:05,891 Oh, shit! Go to camera one! 1998 01:28:09,891 --> 01:28:11,833 Camera three! Camera three! 1999 01:28:16,833 --> 01:28:19,002 Do not move, homie! 2000 01:28:27,476 --> 01:28:29,979 Give me something! Give me fucking something! 2001 01:28:29,980 --> 01:28:31,881 Okay... 2002 01:28:31,882 --> 01:28:33,815 Why?! 2003 01:28:33,816 --> 01:28:35,094 Fuck! Shit, that hurts! 2004 01:28:36,019 --> 01:28:38,621 We don't have concentration camps, Dave. 2005 01:28:38,622 --> 01:28:40,956 Have you seen one person mistreated 2006 01:28:40,957 --> 01:28:42,628 since your arrival here? 2007 01:28:46,628 --> 01:28:48,596 Oh, shit! Someone's coming. 2008 01:28:48,597 --> 01:28:49,597 Someone's coming. 2009 01:29:03,646 --> 01:29:05,480 Oh, fuck! Fuck! 2010 01:29:05,481 --> 01:29:08,484 Dave, unless you can show me a person, a photo 2011 01:29:08,485 --> 01:29:09,763 of widespread hunger... 2012 01:29:16,491 --> 01:29:17,632 Aaron! 2013 01:29:30,606 --> 01:29:32,211 Do not fuck with my angles! 2014 01:29:44,921 --> 01:29:47,156 Oh, shit! Oh, shit! 2015 01:29:48,156 --> 01:29:49,712 You're fucking up the angles! 2016 01:29:51,194 --> 01:29:52,494 Sit still! 2017 01:29:52,495 --> 01:29:54,630 Go wide, camera two! 2018 01:29:54,631 --> 01:29:56,632 Slow push! 2019 01:30:09,479 --> 01:30:11,646 Thank you! 2020 01:30:11,647 --> 01:30:13,716 Face it, Dave, you have failed. 2021 01:30:13,717 --> 01:30:17,219 You've made wild allegations but you have proven nothing. 2022 01:30:17,220 --> 01:30:18,921 You made this long journey 2023 01:30:18,922 --> 01:30:21,189 just to show the world that they were right about you. 2024 01:30:21,190 --> 01:30:25,226 You are incapable of conducting a real interview. 2025 01:30:25,227 --> 01:30:27,732 You're a joke! 2026 01:30:30,732 --> 01:30:32,801 Maybe you're right. 2027 01:30:32,802 --> 01:30:35,938 Yeah, it sucks. 2028 01:30:35,939 --> 01:30:38,275 Because I need people's approval. 2029 01:30:40,275 --> 01:30:41,844 Desperately. 2030 01:30:41,845 --> 01:30:43,212 Because I could never get it 2031 01:30:43,213 --> 01:30:45,922 from my father when I was a kid. 2032 01:30:52,922 --> 01:30:55,422 But I see a lot of the same thing in you, Kim. 2033 01:30:57,125 --> 01:30:58,827 Your father... 2034 01:30:58,828 --> 01:31:03,766 deprived you of life's simplest pleasures. 2035 01:31:04,766 --> 01:31:07,302 He told you that margaritas are gay. 2036 01:31:07,303 --> 01:31:11,273 I have no comment on margaritas. 2037 01:31:11,274 --> 01:31:12,975 Then why don't you drink them? 2038 01:31:12,976 --> 01:31:15,846 I... don't like brain freeze. 2039 01:31:16,846 --> 01:31:18,713 Fuck you, Dave. 2040 01:31:18,714 --> 01:31:21,783 You fucking asshole. 2041 01:31:21,784 --> 01:31:23,840 I just have one more question for you. 2042 01:31:25,754 --> 01:31:28,189 ♪ Do you ever feel ♪ 2043 01:31:28,190 --> 01:31:30,926 ♪ Like a plastic bag ♪ 2044 01:31:30,927 --> 01:31:32,994 ♪ Drifting through the wind ♪ 2045 01:31:32,995 --> 01:31:35,730 ...♪ Wanting to start again? ♪ 2046 01:31:35,731 --> 01:31:37,265 What is that? 2047 01:31:37,266 --> 01:31:39,335 - I don't know what that is. - Oh, yes, you do. 2048 01:31:39,336 --> 01:31:41,838 No, I don't. I never heard that before in my life. 2049 01:31:42,038 --> 01:31:43,372 ♪ Do you ever feel ♪ 2050 01:31:44,074 --> 01:31:46,007 ♪ Feel so paper thin ♪ 2051 01:31:46,008 --> 01:31:48,177 ♪ Just like a house of cards ♪ 2052 01:31:49,346 --> 01:31:51,124 ♪ One blow from caving in? ♪ 2053 01:31:52,082 --> 01:31:53,748 I don't know 2054 01:31:53,749 --> 01:31:54,749 what you're singing. 2055 01:31:54,750 --> 01:31:56,185 You know exactly what it is. 2056 01:31:56,186 --> 01:31:58,753 - No, I don't. - You don't need to lie anymore. 2057 01:31:58,754 --> 01:32:01,222 Katy Perry's your favorite! 2058 01:32:01,223 --> 01:32:02,791 Katy who? 2059 01:32:02,792 --> 01:32:04,359 I don't know who you're talking about. 2060 01:32:04,360 --> 01:32:06,161 ♪ You just got to ignite ♪ 2061 01:32:06,162 --> 01:32:08,363 ♪ The light ♪ 2062 01:32:08,364 --> 01:32:10,066 ♪ And let ♪ 2063 01:32:11,066 --> 01:32:12,667 ♪ It shine ♪ 2064 01:32:12,668 --> 01:32:14,703 - Not the chorus, please. - ♪ And own ♪ 2065 01:32:14,704 --> 01:32:16,204 ♪ The night ♪ 2066 01:32:16,205 --> 01:32:18,940 - Stop! - ♪ Like it's the Fourth of July ♪ 2067 01:32:18,941 --> 01:32:21,109 ...♪ 'Cause, Kimmy ♪ 2068 01:32:21,110 --> 01:32:23,079 - Stop! - ♪ You're a firework ♪ 2069 01:32:24,079 --> 01:32:28,117 ♪ Go and show 'em what you're worth ♪ 2070 01:32:28,118 --> 01:32:29,350 ♪ And make 'em go ♪ 2071 01:32:29,351 --> 01:32:31,353 ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ 2072 01:32:31,354 --> 01:32:36,190 ♪ As you sail across the sky-y-y ♪ 2073 01:32:36,191 --> 01:32:39,194 ♪ Kimmy, you're a firework! ♪ 2074 01:32:39,195 --> 01:32:40,796 No! 2075 01:32:40,797 --> 01:32:42,831 I don't need my father! 2076 01:32:42,832 --> 01:32:45,702 I am strong! 2077 01:33:09,958 --> 01:33:10,826 Excuse me. 2078 01:33:11,026 --> 01:33:12,226 Did you just shart? 2079 01:33:12,227 --> 01:33:13,729 No, I didn't. 2080 01:33:13,730 --> 01:33:15,031 It was that camera guy. 2081 01:33:16,031 --> 01:33:17,231 It wasn't me. 2082 01:33:17,232 --> 01:33:18,266 Ladies and gentlemen, 2083 01:33:18,267 --> 01:33:20,269 Kim Jong-un has just pooed 2084 01:33:20,270 --> 01:33:21,440 in his pants. 2085 01:33:27,110 --> 01:33:29,177 Let's get the fuck out of here. 2086 01:33:29,178 --> 01:33:31,057 Yeah, let's go. 2087 01:34:11,754 --> 01:34:13,454 Damn, girl. 2088 01:34:13,455 --> 01:34:15,157 You a bad-ass. 2089 01:34:15,158 --> 01:34:17,191 : I thought you were my friend, Dave. 2090 01:34:17,192 --> 01:34:20,229 I thought you were my friend, Kim. 2091 01:34:20,230 --> 01:34:22,898 I thought everyone lied about you. 2092 01:34:22,899 --> 01:34:24,788 And then I saw that fake grapefruit 2093 01:34:25,101 --> 01:34:27,168 in that fake grocery store, 2094 01:34:27,169 --> 01:34:30,239 and I realized that you were a fake friend. 2095 01:34:31,441 --> 01:34:33,843 And then you said you were gonna blow everybody up 2096 01:34:34,043 --> 01:34:36,310 just to show what a big guy you are? 2097 01:34:36,311 --> 01:34:37,813 No friend would blow up another friend's country. 2098 01:34:37,814 --> 01:34:40,349 You're just a flawed man 2099 01:34:40,350 --> 01:34:42,518 with a big old butthole. 2100 01:34:42,519 --> 01:34:44,686 And you pee and poo like the rest of us. 2101 01:34:54,530 --> 01:34:57,333 Well, tell me this, Dave. 2102 01:34:59,202 --> 01:35:00,935 Will you be so cocky 2103 01:35:00,936 --> 01:35:03,404 when I slay you in front of the whole world, 2104 01:35:03,405 --> 01:35:05,873 you Yankee motherfucker? 2105 01:35:05,874 --> 01:35:07,141 If you shoot me, 2106 01:35:07,142 --> 01:35:10,378 you'll just be proving me right. 2107 01:35:10,379 --> 01:35:11,991 You're just a sad little man. 2108 01:35:16,351 --> 01:35:18,855 Dave! Dave! No! 2109 01:35:23,293 --> 01:35:24,993 This is Dave Skylark 2110 01:35:24,994 --> 01:35:26,899 signing off. 2111 01:35:32,935 --> 01:35:34,046 Good-bye, Dave. 2112 01:35:44,046 --> 01:35:45,049 Oh, man. 2113 01:35:52,387 --> 01:35:54,189 Bulletproof vest. 2114 01:35:54,190 --> 01:35:55,991 Genius! 2115 01:35:57,459 --> 01:35:58,682 He's alive, everybody! 2116 01:35:59,061 --> 01:36:00,162 Oh, fuck! 2117 01:36:00,163 --> 01:36:01,997 Got a bulletproof vest on! 2118 01:36:01,998 --> 01:36:04,432 I don't know how he got it, but he's got it on! 2119 01:36:04,433 --> 01:36:06,902 Thank you for watching my interview with Kim Jong-un. 2120 01:36:06,903 --> 01:36:08,403 This is Dave Skylark 2121 01:36:08,404 --> 01:36:10,471 signing off. 2122 01:36:10,472 --> 01:36:12,274 No! 2123 01:36:12,275 --> 01:36:14,576 - Aaron! - Let's get the fuck out of here. 2124 01:36:14,577 --> 01:36:15,577 Wait! 2125 01:36:16,012 --> 01:36:17,212 The puppy. 2126 01:36:17,213 --> 01:36:19,280 Hey, what happened to your hand? 2127 01:36:19,281 --> 01:36:20,548 Someone bit my fucking fingers off. 2128 01:36:20,549 --> 01:36:21,949 That's just like Frodo! 2129 01:36:21,950 --> 01:36:24,219 - Oh, shit! 2130 01:36:24,220 --> 01:36:25,776 Don't shoot! I have a puppy! 2131 01:36:41,037 --> 01:36:42,873 Go! 2132 01:36:46,241 --> 01:36:47,341 ...Oh, no! No! 2133 01:36:47,342 --> 01:36:48,476 - What is that?! - Oh, oh, no! 2134 01:36:48,477 --> 01:36:49,511 ...Oh, shit! 2135 01:36:49,512 --> 01:36:51,246 Oh, God! 2136 01:36:51,247 --> 01:36:52,480 Oh, no! 2137 01:36:52,481 --> 01:36:54,449 Oh, shit! Oh, shit! There's more! 2138 01:36:56,485 --> 01:36:57,653 You're a hero! 2139 01:36:57,654 --> 01:36:59,247 Thank you, sir! 2140 01:37:53,342 --> 01:37:55,377 That's the only way out. 2141 01:37:55,378 --> 01:37:56,377 Hey... 2142 01:37:56,378 --> 01:37:58,413 I have an idea. 2143 01:37:58,414 --> 01:37:59,423 Follow me. 2144 01:38:13,628 --> 01:38:16,597 ...Is this Katy fucking Perry?! 2145 01:38:16,598 --> 01:38:19,098 Just leave it on! It's helping me concentrate. 2146 01:38:32,114 --> 01:38:34,181 Oh, shit, are those fucking nukes? 2147 01:38:34,182 --> 01:38:35,320 Let me check! 2148 01:38:38,254 --> 01:38:39,587 Oh, we really fucked up! 2149 01:38:39,588 --> 01:38:41,459 He's arming his fucking nukes! 2150 01:38:47,562 --> 01:38:48,562 Aah! Fuck! 2151 01:38:59,540 --> 01:39:01,414 Skylark! 2152 01:39:06,414 --> 01:39:08,084 Kim! 2153 01:39:09,084 --> 01:39:10,287 Fuck you! 2154 01:39:12,287 --> 01:39:13,565 Fire! 2155 01:39:26,668 --> 01:39:28,537 I've been grazed! 2156 01:39:28,538 --> 01:39:30,372 - How's the puppy? - Puppy is okay! 2157 01:39:30,373 --> 01:39:32,429 You protect that puppy with your life. 2158 01:39:42,975 --> 01:39:44,252 We got to do something! 2159 01:39:44,253 --> 01:39:45,654 He's gonna fucking kill us! 2160 01:39:45,655 --> 01:39:46,654 We're in a tank! 2161 01:39:46,655 --> 01:39:47,655 Shoot him back. 2162 01:39:51,060 --> 01:39:52,661 It's loaded! 2163 01:39:52,662 --> 01:39:55,735 Let's barbeque this motherfucker. 2164 01:40:03,239 --> 01:40:04,239 On three. 2165 01:40:05,708 --> 01:40:07,577 Balls to the wall, motherfuckers! 2166 01:40:08,577 --> 01:40:10,579 Boom, boom... 2167 01:40:11,579 --> 01:40:12,579 Boom! 2168 01:41:38,699 --> 01:41:40,202 Yes! 2169 01:41:40,203 --> 01:41:42,703 ...Yes! Yes! 2170 01:41:42,704 --> 01:41:44,271 Yes! 2171 01:41:44,272 --> 01:41:46,941 - Okay. - Okay. 2172 01:41:46,942 --> 01:41:49,543 That way. 2173 01:41:49,544 --> 01:41:51,479 It's an old mining tunnel. 2174 01:41:51,480 --> 01:41:52,747 - Holy shit, where does that go? - West. 2175 01:41:52,748 --> 01:41:54,716 Away from Pyongyang. 2176 01:41:54,717 --> 01:41:56,417 Keep moving until you reach the coast. 2177 01:41:56,418 --> 01:41:58,319 I wish you both luck. 2178 01:41:58,320 --> 01:41:59,587 You sound like you're not coming with us. 2179 01:41:59,588 --> 01:42:00,588 - Yeah, Sook....? - What-what are you doing? 2180 01:42:00,589 --> 01:42:02,423 I have to go to Pyongyang. 2181 01:42:02,424 --> 01:42:03,891 That's going right back into the snake pit. 2182 01:42:03,892 --> 01:42:05,327 I can't leave North Korea. 2183 01:42:05,328 --> 01:42:07,229 I just helped plunge it into chaos. 2184 01:42:07,230 --> 01:42:08,829 - Yeah, yeah. -So did we. - I'm okay with leaving. 2185 01:42:08,830 --> 01:42:10,497 I have to ensure that the power 2186 01:42:10,498 --> 01:42:11,999 does not transfer to the wrong hands. 2187 01:42:12,000 --> 01:42:13,702 I can't deny 2188 01:42:13,703 --> 01:42:15,604 that we have a chemistry, 2189 01:42:15,605 --> 01:42:18,373 but I have to stay here for my people. 2190 01:42:19,373 --> 01:42:20,841 Okay. 2191 01:42:20,842 --> 01:42:23,345 I'm glad to meet you. 2192 01:42:23,346 --> 01:42:24,746 Okay. 2193 01:42:24,747 --> 01:42:26,549 Kiss her. 2194 01:42:28,549 --> 01:42:30,452 Kiss her, dude. 2195 01:42:30,453 --> 01:42:31,509 Yeah, get in there. 2196 01:42:35,757 --> 01:42:37,828 - Ooh... 2197 01:42:41,396 --> 01:42:44,666 I'm happy to have met you, Aaron. 2198 01:42:44,667 --> 01:42:46,703 You, too. 2199 01:42:47,703 --> 01:42:49,270 Bye, Sook. 2200 01:42:49,271 --> 01:42:51,950 Have fun with the war. 2201 01:43:13,294 --> 01:43:15,798 - All right, it's clear. - Okay. 2202 01:43:17,798 --> 01:43:18,966 Okay, here you go. 2203 01:43:18,967 --> 01:43:20,568 - You got him? - All right... got him. 2204 01:43:20,569 --> 01:43:21,802 Yeah. 2205 01:43:21,803 --> 01:43:23,838 You out of that big, old, scary hole? 2206 01:43:26,374 --> 01:43:28,409 Where are we? 2207 01:43:28,410 --> 01:43:29,844 I don't know. 2208 01:43:29,845 --> 01:43:31,378 Is this China? 2209 01:43:31,379 --> 01:43:32,780 I don't know. Looks like North Korea. 2210 01:43:32,781 --> 01:43:33,948 Yeah. 2211 01:43:33,949 --> 01:43:35,582 Man. 2212 01:43:35,583 --> 01:43:37,385 - Well, which way's the coast? - I have no idea. 2213 01:43:37,386 --> 01:43:38,819 Does that do something? 2214 01:43:38,820 --> 01:43:40,521 Dogs always run to the sea. 2215 01:43:40,522 --> 01:43:42,791 - That's not true. - You got to find the sea. 2216 01:43:42,792 --> 01:43:44,426 I don't think that's gonna happen, Dave. 2217 01:43:44,427 --> 01:43:45,960 ...Shit. 2218 01:43:45,961 --> 01:43:47,897 - Shit! Shit! Shit! - Protect the puppy! 2219 01:43:48,097 --> 01:43:50,566 - Protect the puppy! - Stop! It's them. 2220 01:43:52,566 --> 01:43:53,935 Echo Romeo Five. 2221 01:43:53,936 --> 01:43:56,003 Echo Romeo Five, we have contact 2222 01:43:56,004 --> 01:43:57,872 with Dung Beetle and Aardvark. 2223 01:43:57,873 --> 01:43:59,540 Aaron, Dave, I'm Captain Sung, 2224 01:44:00,109 --> 01:44:02,109 - SEAL Team Six. - Holy shit. 2225 01:44:02,110 --> 01:44:03,478 How'd you guys find us? 2226 01:44:03,479 --> 01:44:04,712 We tracked you using the GPS 2227 01:44:04,713 --> 01:44:05,846 - on your wristwatch. - Oh, my God. 2228 01:44:05,847 --> 01:44:06,816 Let's get you boys home. 2229 01:44:07,016 --> 01:44:08,449 Oh, my God. 2230 01:44:08,450 --> 01:44:09,617 For you. 2231 01:44:09,618 --> 01:44:10,618 Me? 2232 01:44:11,020 --> 01:44:12,453 Is it the president? 2233 01:44:12,454 --> 01:44:13,854 Mr. Obama? 2234 01:44:13,855 --> 01:44:15,823 Nope, just me, Agent Lacey. 2235 01:44:15,824 --> 01:44:17,624 Agent Lacey. 2236 01:44:17,625 --> 01:44:18,993 Fancy hearing from you here. 2237 01:44:18,994 --> 01:44:21,563 I enjoyed your interview, guys. 2238 01:44:21,564 --> 01:44:24,131 Now try not to fuck up your extraction. 2239 01:44:24,132 --> 01:44:26,134 Get home safe. 2240 01:44:26,135 --> 01:44:29,471 Guess who's going to America where they don't eat doggies? 2241 01:44:29,472 --> 01:44:31,472 - And you get all the good stuff, - Okay, let's just go. 2242 01:44:31,473 --> 01:44:34,585 - and it's nice. -Let's get out... Can we please go? Okay. 2243 01:44:44,686 --> 01:44:45,686 Get them in. 2244 01:44:47,388 --> 01:44:48,562 Take the dog. 2245 01:45:12,914 --> 01:45:14,515 She honeypotted me. 2246 01:45:14,516 --> 01:45:15,884 What? What are you talking about? 2247 01:45:16,084 --> 01:45:17,418 Sook. 2248 01:45:17,419 --> 01:45:18,787 Think about it, man. 2249 01:45:18,788 --> 01:45:21,488 I mean, she researched me, she seduced me, 2250 01:45:21,489 --> 01:45:23,824 she commandeered my plans, made them her own. 2251 01:45:23,825 --> 01:45:25,560 I mean, she used me. 2252 01:45:25,561 --> 01:45:28,673 I'll admit it was for, like, a really good fucking cause, 2253 01:45:29,097 --> 01:45:30,375 but she honeypotted me. 2254 01:45:31,065 --> 01:45:32,499 Yeah. 2255 01:45:32,500 --> 01:45:33,635 Well, good riddance. 2256 01:45:33,636 --> 01:45:34,870 I hated that fucking bitch. 2257 01:45:35,070 --> 01:45:36,605 Really? 2258 01:45:37,605 --> 01:45:40,707 Nah, just thought it would make you feel better. 2259 01:45:40,708 --> 01:45:42,710 That was your one true love. 2260 01:45:42,711 --> 01:45:44,712 Now she's gone. 2261 01:45:44,713 --> 01:45:47,815 Doesn't make me feel any better. 2262 01:45:47,816 --> 01:45:50,118 ...Well, you have us, 2263 01:45:50,119 --> 01:45:52,024 and "we wuv you." 2264 01:45:56,024 --> 01:45:58,766 "We aw wuv each other." 2265 01:46:07,235 --> 01:46:09,671 : "And as the North Korean coastline 2266 01:46:09,672 --> 01:46:11,573 "receded in the distance, 2267 01:46:11,574 --> 01:46:14,010 "we heard the crackling of gunfire. 2268 01:46:15,010 --> 01:46:18,846 "It was the beginning of a revolution... 2269 01:46:18,847 --> 01:46:23,150 "a revolution Aaron and I started. 2270 01:46:23,151 --> 01:46:26,488 "Of course, in a tale like this, 2271 01:46:26,489 --> 01:46:28,856 "you might expect to find 2272 01:46:28,857 --> 01:46:31,759 "some hot CIA 2273 01:46:31,760 --> 01:46:33,261 "honeypot 2274 01:46:33,262 --> 01:46:35,897 bombshell..." 2275 01:46:43,070 --> 01:46:44,771 "...maybe a few drones 2276 01:46:44,772 --> 01:46:47,010 or a secret CIA watch." 2277 01:46:48,010 --> 01:46:49,511 You got Skype! 2278 01:46:49,512 --> 01:46:50,612 So good to see your face. 2279 01:46:50,613 --> 01:46:52,502 Wait, someone else wants to say hi. 2280 01:46:53,316 --> 01:46:54,649 Guess what we named him? 2281 01:46:54,650 --> 01:46:55,650 Kim Jong-un. 2282 01:46:55,852 --> 01:46:57,851 Aaron, that's a little fucked up, no? 2283 01:46:57,852 --> 01:46:59,821 Oh, it's super fucked up, but he's cute, though. 2284 01:47:00,021 --> 01:47:02,524 "But there was none of that. 2285 01:47:02,525 --> 01:47:03,858 "No. 2286 01:47:03,859 --> 01:47:05,082 "This was a revolution 2287 01:47:06,028 --> 01:47:08,796 "ignited with nothing more 2288 01:47:08,797 --> 01:47:10,532 "than a camera 2289 01:47:10,533 --> 01:47:12,166 "and some questions. 2290 01:47:12,167 --> 01:47:14,070 "Questions that led a man 2291 01:47:15,070 --> 01:47:16,738 "once revered as a god 2292 01:47:16,739 --> 01:47:19,806 "among mortals to cry 2293 01:47:19,807 --> 01:47:21,077 "and shit his pants. 2294 01:47:22,077 --> 01:47:25,947 The end." 2295 01:47:25,948 --> 01:47:26,949 Thank you.